A TV Middle Child Legend Gets the (Re)boot!

          It was a little more than 19 years ago, May 14, 2006 to be exact, when we saw legendary TV Middle Child and boy genius Malcolm Wilkerson  (Frankie Muniz) for the last time, running off into the proverbial TV sunset - in this case his calculus class at Harvard University - in the “Malcolm in the Middle” series finale. 

          One could argue that with the possible exception of Jan Brady, no TV Middle Child was more iconic than Malcolm. To refresh your memory, when the series started Hal (Bryan Cranston) and Lois (Jane Kaczmarek) Wilkerson had four sons. With first-born Francis already away at military school, Malcolm was in the middle of older brother Reese and younger brother Dewey. At the end of Season 4 Jamie joined the family, and in the series finale it was revealed Lois was pregnant with a sixth child. But even though Malcolm was never really the only Middle Child in the family, he was always the focal point of the series. 

          The show was critically acclaimed over its seven season run, winning multiple awards including seven Emmy’s and pulling in ratings that were anything but in the middle. Fans have

been clamoring for a revival for years and got their wish with the news that a reboot was in the offing. And now we know that filming has wrapped on a limited four-episode series. 

          We’ll get to meet Hal and Lois’ sixth child, a daughter named Kelly (Vaughan Murrae), Malcolm’s girlfriend Tristan (Kiana Madeira), and his daughter Leah (Keeley Karsten).  There was talk that none of the brothers would be returning for the reboot. (You’d think that would be a Middle Child’s dream come true! Then again, when you’re the namesake of a hit TV show, you’re certainly getting more attention than your average Middle Child.) But alas Francis (Christopher Masterson)  and Reese (Justin Berfield) are reprising their roles, while Jamie (Lukas and James Rodriguez) and Dewey (Erik Per Sullivan) have been recast with Anthony Timpano and Caleb Ellsworth-Clark respectively.

          The new episodes will follow a now middle-aged Malcolm and his daughter as they deal with some familiar familial friction when Hal and Lois insist that Malcolm attends their 40th wedding anniversary party. The long awaited reunion is scheduled to air on Disney+ in December 2025.

          Too bad they couldn’t premiere on August 12. Then maybe people would actually remember it’s Middle Child’s Day. 

CLICK HERE for even more details from TVLine.

 

Enjoyed this post? Never miss out on future posts -- click here to follow the blog.

 Follow @midkidunion on X, Instagram, and even Threads! "LIKE" on Facebook.

 

 

Birth Order Historians Find Rare Middle Child Artifact

          A team of research historians, funded by the International Middle Child Union, have discovered  a remarkable piece of Middle Child memorabilia. Hidden deep in the bowels of an abandoned warehouse at an undisclosed location, they have unearthed the only known copy of the never published “Middle Child Digest” magazine. Originally slated to make its debut decades ago, publication was halted due to lack of interest. Not surprisingly, it was all but forgotten about until now. 

          Birth order conspiracy theorists (a.k.a. Middle Children) have long believed a cabal of entitled first-borns and pampered last-borns not only pirated the only remaining copy, but swore a secret oath to make sure it never saw the light of day. This only proves what Middle Children have always suspected: that our oldest and youngest siblings have made it their life's mission to deny us the opportunity to receive attention however and whenever possible. Efforts that, I might add, continue to this day. 

          Sadly, with great success. 

          But in an ironic twist, the Middle Child is getting the last laugh. Even though “Middle Child Digest” was never able to sell even a single copy, it is still “The World’s Leading Magazine for Middle Children”-- because it was the world’s only magazine for Middle Children. 

          So, ha!

          Take that!!

DON'T FORGET! MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!

 Coming soon to the blog:

“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”

Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards 

New 2024 Middle Child Masterpiece Theater Inductees

PLUS more...

 

Enjoyed this post? Never miss out on future posts -- click here to follow the blog.

 Follow @midkidunion on Twitter, Instagram, and even Threads! "LIKE" on Facebook.

 

 

The Difference Between Being “A” Middle Child and “The” Middle Child

The Golden Rule of birth order: If you’re not the first or the last, you’re in the middle!

     Not every Middle Child necessarily knows they’re a Middle Child. I’ve written about this before, urging Sarah Jessica Parker to embrace her Middle Child status, but I’m pretty sure the message isn’t getting through. Case in point: I was speaking to a radio host who told me there were no Middle Children in his family. I asked how many siblings he had and was told he was the second of four. When I informed him that meant there are actually two Middle Children in his family and that he was one of them, it was like I turned his world upside down! So if MidKids themselves aren’t even aware of their status, why would I think non-Middles would know any better?
     If my sister-in-law is any indication, they do not. The oldest of four girls, she didn’t realize her very own sister (my wife) was one of two Middle Children. “There can only be one Middle Child per family,” she informed me. And then there’s the former co-worker and father of five (and Middle Child himself) who was telling me a story about his own Middle Child. When I told him he actually had three, he said, “I never thought of it that way.” Aaargh. It’s an epidemic, I tell you!! But changing someone’s understanding of what it takes to be a Middle Child is no easy task.
     If I asked you, “Who was the Middle Child on The Brady Bunch?”  your answer would likely be Jan. Of course, you’d be right. And wrong. Sure, she’s “a” Middle Child, but not “the” Middle Child. She’s the Middle Brady sister and probably the world’s most iconic MidKid, but what about Peter, the Middle Brady boy? He’s no less a Middle Child, and it doesn’t end there. There were six siblings in the blended Brady brood, so after Carol and Mike got hitched, Marcia and Bobby became Middles along with Peter and Jan. In fact, Greg and Cindy were the only ones who weren't ever Middle Children.
     And what about “Malcolm in the Middle?” Yes, he was “a” Middle Child, but far from being “the” Middle Child. Malcolm was actually one of three brothers in the middle. It was just him and Reese until the end of season four when baby Jamie came along, then Dewey became one too. I guess “Malcolm, Reese, & Dewey in the Middle” wasn’t as catchy a title. So Malcolm got top billing, and Reese and Dewey were relegated to the trash heap of TV Middle Children. Talk about Middle Child Syndrome.
     When you’re “the” Middle Child, you’re on your own. It’s two against one. You’re outnumbered, on an island unto yourself. I have long argued it is the truest form of Middle Child, and also the worst. On the other hand, when you’re “a” Middle Child, at least you have company. That’s probably a good thing, because misery does love company. With four siblings, it’s a level playing field. Two on two. A house divided. And when there are five or more siblings (gasp), the Middles are the majority. Multiple siblings get to be “a” Middle Child, but no one sibling is “the” Middle Child -- except when there’s an odd number of siblings. Then one lucky sib gets to be the Middle Middle Child -- the birth order equivalent of a double whammy.

Don’t pay for some fancy Middle Child testing kit: Take our FREE test!

     I created a Middle Child hierarchical classification diagram in a previous post, but so many other factors impact how much of a Middle Child you end up being. I’m sure the number of Middle Children in your family has something to do with it. I would think the more Middle Children there are in a family, the less likely you might be to feel like a Middle Child. But that’s just scratching the surface. For instance, there has to be a difference between someone who becomes a Middle Child when they are eight years old versus someone who is two years old. Sure, you got all those extra years of being the beloved baby, but maybe that actually makes it worse when all that adoration is stripped away from you? Maybe it’s better to have the attention band-aid ripped off before you have the chance to get used to all the love.
     And what about blended families? Two birth orders get melded into one, and like the Brady’s, everything changes. I even spoke with someone who was the first born daughter then became a Middle Child when her parents adopted an even older daughter.
     Of course, if you don’t even know you’re a Middle Child, none of this will even matter, which brings us right back to square A. So to determine if you’re “the” Middle Child (or even “a” Middle Child), take this simple test:

1. Are you the oldest sibling in your family? If you answered YES, congratulations. You dodged a birth order bullet. You are DEFINITELY not a Middle Child. Go bask in parental praise and plaudits.

If you answered NO, proceed to question 2.

2. Are you the youngest sibling in your family? If you answered YES, you hit the jackpot. You’re the beloved baby! Have fun doing all the things your older siblings weren’t allowed to do.

If you answered NO, too bad. You’re a sandwiched sibling -- like it or not.

No Comment!

   It’s often said that as Middle Children, we feel like we have to try a little harder to be heard. That’s why I’ve always encouraged readers of this blog to comment and share their thoughts. In fact, a number of my most recent posts were the result of feedback from readers, including this one. But it appears the good folks at Blogger.com, and the little company you may have heard of that owns them named Google, are part of a widespread conspiracy to silence us!
     A few weeks ago, I received a disturbing e-mail from a reader named Melissa B:

“Hi! You have no idea how much I love, and need, your blog. I have been trying and

trying to post a comment. It will not post!!! I have tried everything. If worse comes

to worst, could I email you my comment and you put it in?”

     Then, before I even had a chance to respond, I received this desperate follow-up:

“I can't post my comments. Anywhere. At all.

I have found my people, I need to be heard!!!”

     Just what in the name of Jan Brady is going on here!? I immediately dispatched the entire Smack Dab IT department to investigate this issue, and what they we I discovered was baffling. It turns out if you want to comment, you have to click where it says NO COMMENTS. What the what!? Click NO COMMENTS to comment? Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive? Shouldn’t it say something like, oh, I dunno -- maybe, COMMENT?? Clearly, some first or last born HTML coder feeling threatened by the mere thought of a Middle Child speaking out came up with that brainstorm!

     In any case, mystery solved. Another satisfied customer. Melissa was kind enough to call me “the renaissance man of Mid Kids,” but also offered this piece of advice. “Be careful!” she warned. “If you get too successful, you might come off more like... a first born.”
     Don’t fret, Melissa. That’s not something that will ever happen.

Thank you Melissa for telling me about this scene from Modern Family (Season 2/Ep. 23),

when Claire and Phil are about to miss Alex’s High School graduation speech.

It’s now the newest addition to “Middle Child Masterpiece Theater.”

See the entire “Middle Child Masterpiece Theater” collection at the SmackDab Channel on YouTube.

A College Football First!

     It’s college bowl season, and with 40 games to be played, there are some really bad bowls out there. This year’s menu of mediocrity features 12 teams with 6-6 records. It’s SO bad, there are even three teams with losing records playing in bowls! With the quality of bowl games sinking to a new low, CBS Sports' Tom Fornelli, who ranks the Bottom 25 teams throughout the season, suggested in a recent post we might as well put winless teams in a bowl game. “Hell, why not just create a bowl specifically for them?” he wondered. Ask and ye shall receive, Mr. Fornelli.
     The International Middle Child Union is proud to announce the first ever I.M.C.U. Middle Child Bowl: the college football game nobody wants to pay attention to. The two worst teams in the country vying for their moment in the lowlight. Two power(less)houses going head to head in an epic battle of winless wonders. The loser is awarded the ultimate prize for their lack of accomplishments -- the coveted Jan Brady Trophy! So who gets to play in this shit show?
     Choosing the best of the worst is no easy task. I started with Fornelli’s bottom 25, where he ranks the 0-12 University of Central Florida Knights 25th and the 0-12 Kansas Jayhawks 24th. But to assure the Middle Child Bowl showcases the very best of the worst, I did a little digging. After all, a winless team might not actually be as bad as their record indicates. I mean, they’re still really bad, but depending on the teams they play, they might be better than, say, a 1 or 2 win team. According to the CBS Sports rankings of all 128 teams in the NCAA Division I Football Bowl Subdivision (FBS), UCF brings up the rear at 128th, while Kansas wreaks slightly less at 124th. So perhaps there’s another team more deserving --or is that more less deserving?
     Let’s start the selection process by eliminating any team that breaks the Top 100 on either side of the ball. The 125th ranked UNC/Charlotte 49ers (2-10) boast the 88th best defense, while the 126th ranked Eastern Michigan Eagles (1-11) tout the 73rd
ranked offense -- far too lofty numbers for a game of this caliber, so they’re both out. The 127th ranked North Texas Mean Green (1-11) and their 112th ranked offense is slightly lower than Kansas’ 110th ranked unit, but the Mean Green’s defense is ranked 120th, compared to the Jayhawks at 128th, which is dead last. North Texas is also 10 spots higher than UCF’s 122nd ranked offense, and 5 spots lower than UCF’s 115th ranked defense -- not bad enough to make the cut. So that settles it. It’s the University of Central Florida Knights battling the Kansas Jayhawks for a shot at college football futility in the inaugural I.M.C.U. Middle Child Bowl. May the less worst team win.

The Top 10 Middle Child Costumes for Halloween

     For many Middle Children, Halloween is an opportunity to not be a Middle Child -- at least for a day. But I say it's the perfect time to embrace your Middle Child-ness. Or at least a chance to be a different Middle Child -- maybe even a famous Middle Child! Here are  some suggestions:

10. The Multimillionaire Middle Child: All it takes is a snazzy suit and a horrible hairdo, and Voila! -- you’re Donald Trump. Or if you prefer a more understated look, this Tech Digest article outlines all the geek garb you’ll need to be Bill Gates.

9. A Very Brady Halloween: This year, make it all about Jan, Jan, Jan! Choose the traditional TV series look, or the wigged out movie look. Either way, it's a fitting Halloween homage.


8. Famous FOX Mid Kids: They may never get their own spin-offs, so why not let Mid Kids Chris Griffin or Lisa Simpson be the center of attention, just for the night.

7. The Middle Mermaid: Everyone knows all about Ariel, but why not change things up this year and go as her lesser known sister, Ethel? Yes, Ethel Mermaid.

6. The Irrelephant: If you’re really looking for some attention this Halloween, (and honestly, what Middle Child isn’t?), here's the perfect costume: a pachyderm with Middle Child Syndrome!

5. The Invisible Man: You’ve been playing the part for years, so you might as well dress the part this Halloween. Wrap some gauze around your head, slap on some sunglasses, throw on a bathrobe, and you’re good to go! It'll be like you're not even there. What else is new?

Middle Child Masterpiece Theater

It's all Middle Child, all the time, featuring classic, memorable Middle Child Moments. The most complete (and only) TV Middle Child archives in the world -- take that, Smithsonian! If you know of any worthy submissions, or if you have additional information about archived clips, please let me know and they'll be added. Future additions to the archives will be viewable on the Smack Dab Channel...

THE BRADY BUNCH

Middle Child: Jan Brady (Eve Plumb) "Her Sister's Shadow" Season 3/No. 10  Originally Aired: November 19, 1971

BOY MEETS WORLD
Middle Child: Cory Matthews (Ben Savage)
"The B-Team of Life" Season 1/No. 14
Originally Aired: January 28, 1994
VIEW THE CLIP

THE MIDDLE

Middle Child: Sue Heck (Eden Sher)

Episode: TBD

Originally Aired: TBD
VIEW THE CLIP

THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY
Middle Child: Danny Partridge (Danny Bonaduce)
"Did You Hear the One About Danny Partridge?" Season 1/No. 9
Originally Aired: November 20, 1970
VIEW THE CLIP

ROSEANNE

Middle Child: Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert)

"Dances with Darlene" Season 3/No. 23

Originally Aired: April 30, 1991

VIEW THE CLIP

FULL HOUSE
Middle Child: Stephanie Tanner (Jodie Sweetin)
"Middle Aged Crazy" Season 2/No. 10
Originally Aired: January 6, 1989
VIEW THE CLIP

THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY

Middle Child: Danny Partridge (Danny Bonaduce)

"You're Only Young Twice" Season 3/No. 6

Originally Aired: October 20, 1972
VIEW THE CLIP

FAMILY GUY

Middle Child: Chris Griffin (Seth Green)

Episode: TBD

Originally Aired: TBD

VIEW THE CLIP

MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE

Middle Child: Malcolm Wilkerson (Frankie Muniz)

"Malcolm Holds His Tongue" Season 4/No. 7

Originally Aired: January 5, 2003

VIEW THE CLIP

See all the latest on YouTube at the Smack Dab Channel

The Dread Carpet: What if You Held an Awards Show, and Nobody Came?

Hollywood's Golden Boy:
Everyone's favorite eunuch.

     The 86th Academy Awards are just days away, but people have been talking about them for weeks, even months. Who will win what? Who will wear who? There are pre-Oscar parties, and Oscar parties, and Oscar after-parties. Oscar this, Oscar that. For a guy who weighs in at just 8½ pounds, stands only 13½ inches tall, and has no penis, he certainly commands a lot of attention.
     Meanwhile, the International Middle Child Union presented the Middie Awards well over a month ago (See Post), and there was barely a peep! Can you believe, not a single major TV network covered the ceremony? Not even the CW! Nobody even showed up to collect their award – typical Middle Child treatment.

The Middie Awards have a
message for Oscar: "Eat me!"

     I realize the Middie Awards don’t have the kind of budget that Oscar has, but still – I spent a nice chunk of change at Party City decorating the basement. I made, like, four full trays of Rice Krispie Treats that I have no idea what to do with now. I don’t even want to talk about the 20 piece orchestra I hired that spent the entire weekend in my guest room. That was awkward.
     I find it particularly ironic that an awards show all about celebrating attention seeking behavior can’t get any for itself! Even the Razzies get more attention than the Middies. In hindsight, maybe we need to make our award more friendly and approachable. Perhaps giving winners the finger (our Golden Middle Finger statuette) is a mistake. Maybe we need to humanize our award with a person’s name -- you know, like they did with Oscar and Emmy. “And the Malcolm goes to…” That could work. “The Jan” doesn’t sound very catchy, but “The Brady” has a nice ring to it. How about, “The Britney?” Or “The Stephie?” Your suggestions are welcome…

Coming Friday: Get your Oscar Nominee Birth Order Breakdown Pocket Guide.

"The Night Before Christmas" Middle Child Makeover

          As Middle Children of all ages brace themselves for perceived Christmas party snubs and prepare to feel like their siblings are getting better (and more) gifts, it's time to tell the tale of what really happened on Christmas Eve. This is definitely not your father's Christmas classic -- unless he also has Middle Child Syndrome!

The Middle Child's Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas in some other house
the first born and last born were quiet as a mouse.

The one creature stirring, I probably should mention,

was the Middle Child constantly seeking attention.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

still the Middle Child complained, “Theirs are bigger, no fair!”

While the oldest and youngest were snug in their bed,

visions of hand-me-downs danced in his head.

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

were so sick and tired of his Middle Child crap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

now what was he up to, now what was the matter?

My wondering eyes through the window could see,
a person I’ve seen many times on TV.

She whined and she moaned, did this blonde haired young lady,

I knew in a moment it must be Jan Brady!

“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia,” I heard her exclaim,

“She gets all the glory, I get all the blame.

If just for one day I could feel like the favorite,

I’d relish the moment, and always would savor it.”

Change Your Profile to Help Give Middle Child's Day a Higher Profile.

     This coming Monday, August 12, is Middle Child's Day. What's that? You didn't know August 12 was Middle Child's Day? You didn't even know there was a Middle Child's Day?? Of course you didn't, and that's the point. It's like we were given a holiday just so everyone could ignore it! Typical Middle Child treatment. It's truly the forgotten Middle Child of holidays, but we can change all that.  On August 12th, (that's Middle Child's Day -- did you forget already?) change your Facebook profile pic for the day to a Middle Child you know and love. Or can't stand. It doesn't matter. It can be someone famous, like Bill Gates or Abraham Lincoln. Or maybe a little infamous, like Britney or Joaquin Phoenix. Or maybe someone who wasn't really a Middle Child at all, but just played a Middle Child on TV, like Malcom or Lady Edith. And of course, Jan Brady. They don't even have to be a real human, like Chris Griffin. In fact, They don't have to be a human at all, like the Chipmunk's Simon Seville. Your choice. It's just a simple way of telling the Middle Children in your life, "Okay, I will acknowledge you exist for just one day."

TV’s Greatest Middle Children

Malcom (NOT REALLY) in the Middle

"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"
The immortal words of Jan Brady.

Zap2it.com has compiled a great tribute to TV’s most famous Middle Children. But before reviewing the list, let’s get one thing straight. Malcom wasn’t really in the middle! For the first four seasons, Malcom had two older brothers, Francis and Reese, and a younger brother, Dewey. This meant Malcom had at best (or worst) "shared" Middle Child status with Reese. It wasn’t until the fifth season that Malcom’s baby brother Jamie was introduced, making Malcom a true Middle Child. But that was short lived, as two seasons later in the seventh and final season, it was revealed another member of the family was expected. Being a Middle Child for only two seasons doesn’t really count. Trust me. The title seems to be more about Malcom always finding himself in the middle, yet it is now commonly accepted that Malcom actually was a Middle Child, even though he wasn’t.