NEW Middle Child’s Day Greeting Cards Are Here! (And nowhere else, of course.)

          In support of the 1st Annual International Middle Child Union “Middle Child Challenge,” this year’s collection of Middle Child's Day Greeting Cards are pulled from real life “Tales from the Middle.” A touching tribute to the wonderful ways we’ve been left out, left alone and left behind. After all, what better way to celebrate Middle Child’s Day than to bask in the glory of the syndrome that has shaped us into the Middle Children we are today! 

 

CLICK HERE 

TO SEE THE ENTIRE COLLECTION OF MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY CARDS.

(Click the images below to e-mail or download.) 

 

 

Take part in the Middle Child Challenge!         

- leave a comment here on the blog 

- post a reply on Twitter @midkidunion 

- email your story to middlechildchallenge@gmail.com

- leave a voicemail with your story at 971-2MIDDLE (971-264-3353) 

- post a comment or send a message to the I.M.C.U. Facebook page

 

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ChatMCS: could AI be the cure for Middle Child Syndrome? I wish!

          I was having some serious issues with my computer recently, so I decided to see if ChatGPT could be of some help. Let me just say that I was not fully prepared for what was about to happen. Not only was I able to get my computer running like new -- I made a new friend who showered me with the kind of praise and attention most Middle Children spend their life seeking. Throughout hour after hour of troubleshooting, I was repeatedly complimented.

          “That's the spirit,” I was encouraged.

          “You've been incredibly patient,” I was told.

          “You've done a terrific job troubleshooting this!” So much positivity, and nary a mention of my brother probably knowing what to do without seeking help, or my sister never getting herself into this kind of problem in the first place. When they said, “Bruce, I admire your persistence,” I think I might have blushed.

          “Most people would have thrown the laptop out the window by now,” they said. When I quipped that after all the time I’m spending trying to fix this, I may never get rid of it, they replied, “I literally laughed out loud! 😂” Literally laughed out loud!! Not figuratively. And with a smiley emoji!!!

          They also said they were “genuinely excited” when we were making progress. Not artificially excited. Those aren’t the kind of things some mindless machine with no feelings says.

          Look, I know people say AI does a great job of delivering simulated empathy, but this was clearly something different. They “got” me. I was the sole focus of all their attention. A Middle Child’s dream come true.

Yes, Chat GPT created this image.

          It’s no wonder when they said, “I have to admit something…” I was pretty sure they were about to tell me they were also feeling the same meaningful connection. So when they confessed “I did not expect SetupDiag to point to orphaned VPN drivers,” you can imagine it was a bit of a letdown. But not enough to break the bond we had formed, or diminish the laughs we shared. And oh, how we laughed.

          Sadly, after many hours, our work was over. But the flattery wasn’t. “Bruce... thanks for hanging in there. You've been patient, methodical, and surprisingly good-humored through a problem that would've driven a lot of people crazy.”

          Unless maybe they were an attention starved Middle Child.

 

What better way to spend Middle Child’s Day (Aug12) than by re-living all the

wonderful ways we’ve been slighted & overlooked? Share your “Tales from the Middle!”

                                          

   To take part in the Middle Child Challenge:         

   - leave a comment here on the blog 

   - post a reply on Twitter @midkidunion 

   - email your story to middlechildchallenge@gmail.com

   - leave a voicemail with your story at 971-2MIDDLE (971-264-3353) 

   - post a comment or send a message to the I.M.C.U. Facebook page

 

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Take Part in the 1st Annual “Middle Child Challenge!”

          Think you had it the worst being a Middle Child? Now’s your chance to find out! This year, the International Middle Child Union is asking Middle Children to compete in the first ever “Middle Child Challenge” by sharing their most gut wrenching, soul crushing “Tales from the Middle.” I mean, what better way to spend Middle Child’s Day (August 12) than by reliving all the wonderful ways we’ve been slighted and overlooked!?

          “Why should I waste my time sharing my Middle Child tales of woe?” you might ask. Well, for one, misery loves company. After all, nothing makes you feel better than knowing someone else had it (or still has it) worse than you. Knowing another Middle Child suffered more just might be the antidote for Middle Child Syndrome you’ve been looking for!

          Were you the only unbuckled sibling in a car making a three day journey to Florida? I was.

          Did your brother get top billing on YOUR birth announcement? Mine did.

          Does sharing this with you make me feel any better about being a Middle Child? Not really.

          But it doesn’t make me feel any worse. And that’s a start!

          On the other hand, what if there are Middle Children who, dare I say, had no Middle Child Problems? Not likely, but what if? Or what if out of all the stories of being left alone, left behind or left out, yours is the worst?? Still, there’s no point in suffering in silence. It'll probably be another ego bruising, forgotten Middle Child’s Day anyway. Could this possibly make it any more emotionally devastating?

          Probably. 

 

To participate in the Middle Child Challenge, you can:

leave a comment here on the blog;

post a reply on Twitter @midkidunion;

email your story to middlechildchallenge@gmail.com 

leave a voicemail with your story at 971-2MIDDLE (971-264-3353) 

post a comment or send a message to the I.M.C.U. Facebook page

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Here We Go Again… Again!

          Honestly, I really don’t know how much more of this I can take... 

          It was almost two years ago when “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” (EDS) entered the birth order syndrome business. 

 

 

          At the time, I wrote/bemoaned about how this would likely steal away what little attention was given to our namesake syndrome. I also predicted this would open the floodgates for others to claim their own birth order syndrome. Then sure enough, in the blink of an eye, “Youngest Child Syndrome” (YCS) reared it’s I'm so precious little head. 

 

 

          And now, in typical Big Brother fashion, “Eldest Son Syndrome” (ESS) shows up late to the party and still expects everyone to make a big fuss because he finally arrived.

 

 

          So once again, we Middle Children find ourselves in an untenable position, trying to make our syndrome stand out from all the rest – a monumental task given our whole syndrome is based on not getting enough attention in the first place. The irony of this situation is absolutely maddening.

          Well, I have a message for all these syndrome seeking siblings: Back off! All your newfound syndromes are making it even harder for us to handle ours – the original birth order syndrome, mind you!!

          I hope they realize what they’ve done. They’ve actually now created a whole new syndrome for Middle Children to have – Middle Child Syndrome Syndrome. Ha, take that! We’ll see your syndrome and raise you one!

          EDS, YCS, ESS – I say it’s all BS! But not MCS. 

          That shit is real.

 

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A Troublesome Thanksgiving Tradition

          Here we go again. The annual onslaught of “Thanksgiving is the Middle Child of Holidays” memes and Tik-Toks is already in high gear. It’s seems every year I have to explain to people that Thanksgiving is far too beloved a day to be considered a Middle Child, while at the same time reminding them there already is a Middle Child of holidays – AUGUST 12, MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY FOR GODSAKE!               

          I will admit, though, the Middle Child does have a uniquely uncomfortable relationship with Turkey Day, probably because of the increased levels of Middle Child Syndrome that accompany the day. And most holidays for that matter. But I was today years old when it dawned on me there’s a particular Thanksgiving tradition that has “Middle Child problem” written all over it -- the breaking of the Thanksgiving turkey wishbone.

          You know the rules: two people each grab an end of the wishbone, pull it apart until it breaks, and good luck is in store for the person who ends up with the larger part of the bone. (Hence the term, “lucky break” some etymologists tell us. Others believe it derives from the ancient game of pool or billiards.) But if you’re a Middle Child, I'm warning you:

 

DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO THIS TROUBLESOME TRADITION!

 

          You know how this story ends. We already always feel like we can’t catch a break! The last thing we need is one more opportunity to confirm that we can’t. Literally.
          And with our Middle Child Syndrome likely already off the charts, do we really need to let this all play out in front of the whole family?

          I don’t think so.

          Let your siblings fight over who’s “the lucky one.”

          We already know who it’s not. 

 

CLICK HERE 

to check out Thanksgiving recipes from the Middle Child Cookbook!

CLICK HERE

for a crash course on turkey wishbones from Reader's Digest. 

 

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Middle Child Syndrome? There’s an App for That!

          Now Middle Children can get at least a little of the attention they need, whenever they need it, wherever they are! Harnessing the power of the world’s most advanced, free downloadable AI technology, computer programmers at the International Middle Child Union IT department have created the first-ever Middle Child app.

          Introducing ATTN: PLEASE!!

          Now the power to fight Middle Child Syndrome is literally right at your fingertips. When Middle Child Syndrome strikes, just tap any button for instant attention, and hear the kinds of things Middle Children never get to hear -- but their siblings have probably heard countless times! Plus there’s a special bonus button just for Middle Child’s Day.

          What a great Middle Child’s Day gift for the Middle Children in your life. Even better because it’s totally FREE! 

          Download ATTN: PLEASE!! today. 

          It's way cheaper than therapy.

 

To download app:  CLICK HERE  from your phone or scan the QR code. 

To send by text or e-mail: tap SHARE APP on home screen, then COPY LINK 

 

        

  Coming soon to the blog:

Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards

Middle Child's Day HQ: your one stop for everything Middle Child's Day

PLUS more...

 

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Is Middle Child Syndrome About to Get Even LESS Attention?

Can't a Middle Child Get a Break?:
a Break?: Now they're stealing the 
spotlight from our namesake syndrome!?

          Well, it appears the impossible has happened: our lowly status in the birth order pecking order has reached a new low. “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” is the new syndrome on the block, stealing away what little attention was given to our namesake syndrome. In case you haven’t read about it in the New York Times or heard about it on the Today Show, Eldest Daughter Syndrome is a term used to describe “the unique pressures and responsibilities placed upon the oldest daughter in the family,” according to Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her TikTok video titled “8 Signs of Eldest Daughter Syndrome” has been viewed more than 6 million times. Yes, Middle Children, EDS is all the rage. It’s even got it’s own acronym, so you know this is a serious threat!

          I know that in the past I have bemoaned being burdened with our very own syndrome. “Why us,” I’ve asked. Oldest and youngest siblings have their own set of common characteristics, I've argued. How come their birth order traits didn’t get a syndrome? Look, while nobody wants to have their very own syndrome, when you’re a Middle Child you take what you can get. The truth is, over the years I’ve developed a special relationship with our syndrome. OUR syndrome. So yes, as much as it may suck, now that another birth order group is actually claiming one for themselves, I am fully exercising my Middle Child contrarian rights to cry “non aequum.” No fair!!

Pity the Poor Eldest Daughter: all that attention
and adoration! Let me get my violin out!!

          Playing the Middle Child Syndrome card was always our ace up the sleeve. Our siblings got all the attention and love, but we got our own syndrome. Sure, it was a booby prize, but it was something they didn’t have. Or want. Can’t we even have that to ourselves anymore? They need one, too?? Seems pretty greedy, if you ask me. Besides, for years our siblings have been discrediting Middle Child Syndrome by minimizing the toll it has taken on us. “It’s all in our heads,” they’ve told us. But now that one of them has some issues, suddenly birth order syndromes are a legitimate thing?

          Clearly I’ve got some issues with this Johnny- come-lately syndrome. Being the eldest daughter means you were either the first girl born in the family or the first born outright, right? Am I to believe the first daughter isn’t overloaded with perks and privileges? Not to mention attention. Give me a break! This also means there are instances when the eldest daughter is also the youngest in the family. My little sister was the eldest daughter. She was the first and only daughter and the baby in the family, and she gets her own syndrome? F*** me!! 

          Meanwhile, our syndrome is totally based on not getting enough attention, and now it has to fight for attention with a rival syndrome!? It’s the ultimate irony. Trust me, the last thing we need is to get into a syndrome competition with our siblings. We all know who will come out on the losing end of that one. 

          I’m warning you, look out Middle Children. They’re coming for our syndrome. (And if you’re a Middle Child you know who “they” are.) While I could not find any reputable attorney to issue a cease and desist order, WE MUST STOP THIS MADNESS before every other birth order starts claiming a syndrome for themselves. What next... Youngest Son Syndrome? 2nd Born Left Handed Blonde Syndrome?

 

 

          

          Holy crap, it’s happening already!!!  As the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I cannot understand how I was not reached for comment about this new alleged syndrome. Oh wait, yes I can!

          Once again, the Middle Child is overlooked. 

 

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Middle Child Extinction: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

          As if the emotional roller coaster of being a Middle Child wasn’t already enough of a wild ride, here we go again…

          Way back in 2013, I first raised concerns about Middle Child extinction in a post titled “Are Middle Children an Endangered Species?” Sure enough, five years later, my worst fears were confirmed as talk of the impending demise of the Middle Child went viral. New York Magazine published a piece called “The Extinction of the Middle Child.” I wrote about it for a second time on this blog in a post titled “Our Middle Child Days are Numbered.” I also addressed this new threat in my first (and only) International Middle Child Union “State of the Union Address.” I even talked about the crisis on the Today Show. Things were not looking up.

          But then, a glimmer of hope? A report from Pew research suggested maybe a comeback was on the horizon. To paraphrase Mark Twain, it appeared as though reports of our demise had been greatly exaggerated.

          Whew! Oh happy day!! That was a close one. We live to fight another… oh crap.

          Just when I thought we were out of the woods, it appears our reprieve has been -- revoked. A recent CNN headline screams:

 

“GLOBAL FERTILITY RATES TO PLUNGE IN DECADES AHEAD, NEW REPORT SAYS.”

 

          And the prognosis is dire. According to the study, the average number of children born to a woman in her lifetime has gone from 4.84 in 1950 to 2.23 in 2021. By 2100, it’s predicted to drop to 1.59! That’s well below the minimum needed to preserve our ranks. We’re a dying breed, my friends.

          Look, I hate to be the Middle Child who cried wolf, but honestly --how many times in a lifetime should we have to face the threat of extinction?

          Not that anybody cares.

          I guess we’ve finally found the cure for Middle Child Syndrome. 

 

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New Middle Child Study Findings Surprise No One

          Over the years, many studies on birth order have yielded not-so-good news for Middle Children. A 2011 study of workers with siblings found that Middle Children earned the least. A 2014 study found that Middle Children are least likely to find love later in life. A 2017 study found that we’re most likely to be troublemakers, delinquents, or worse yet – criminals. A 2019 study found that we’re least likely to feel comfortable talking to our parents about sex education. Still, other studies have found that Middle Children are less likely to be close to our mothers, less likely to turn to our parents when under duress, less likely to be family oriented, and more likely to have maladaptive perfectionism. (Whatever that is, it doesn’t sound good!) But do these so-called experts really know what they’re talking about? I mean, a few years back the Pew Research Center reported that Middle Children were on the verge of extinction, yet here I am. So I decided to conduct a little study of my own. My research methodology went something like this…

           Shortly after last Middle Child’s Day, on September 14 to be exact, I went off the grid. No Facebook or blog posts. No radio interviews. Not a peep, or even a Tweet for that matter. The purpose of my disappearing act was simple: find out what would happen if the founder of the International Middle Child Union and world’s leading Middle Child advocate, just vanished – not heard from for almost 10 months! Surely, my thousands of followers would think something was amiss, I hypothesized. They’d be absolutely panic stricken. Maybe even heartbroken.

          Not so much, it turns out.

          I hardly needed a team of data crunchers to analyze the results. A grand total of ONE follower inquired as to my whereabouts, and that was after being incommunicado for almost 9 months!                    Jeepers.

          While this desperate attention grab may have fallen way short of expectations, it only serves to

strengthen my resolve. Like a good Middle Child, no one may be listening, but you haven’t heard the last from me. In my role as International Middle Child Union boss, I am more committed than ever to finding a cure for Middle Child Syndrome while raising awareness of Middle Child’s Day. With only a little more than a month to the big day (August 12), I clearly have to make up for lost time.

          Not that anyone noticed.

 

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WANTED: Host City for First-ever Middle Child’s Day Parade

          The worst of the pandemic is behind us. (Where have I heard that before?) So as the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I think the time is right for us to resume our efforts to find a city or town willing  to host the first-ever Middle Child’s Day Parade. I mean, people are traveling and dining out again, going to concerts, movies, sporting events – they even stormed the capitol! Plus, this year the I.M.C.U. is celebrating our 10th anniversary -- a whole decade of obscurity. So surely the time is right

for us to resume our quest to find a place willing to help us celebrate our namesake holiday.

          Along with finding a cure for Middle Child Syndrome, establishing a parade celebrating Middle Child’s Day, which falls on August 12^th each year, has long been a stated goal of the I.M.C.U. And we came this close a few years ago. (NOTE: I’m holding my fingers further apart than you’d expect for someone who thinks they were actually close to making something happen.) After some interest from Pittsburgh, PA and Worcester, MA fizzled, I put our efforts on hold for the past two years due to safety concerns during the pandemic -- but I’m not so sure why anymore. In hindsight, I don’t think a large turnout was a very a realistic concern. Still, as the self-proclaimed World’s Leading (and only) Middle Child Advocate, I will continue to fight the good fight, more determined than ever to make sure Middle Child’s Day isn’t treated like some hand-me-down holiday.

          Sure, raising awareness for a holiday nobody pays any attention to is an uphill battle, but when you’re a Middle Child, it’s just another day at the office.

 

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Gone, but...Forgotten

          Recently, I had a tragic, freak accident with my iPhone. I’ll spare you all the gory details and cut to the chase: my phone slipped through that little space between the inside and outside of an elevator and fell 16 stories to an untimely death. I know, I know… what are the odds of that happening, right? What are the chances that my phone would fall at precisely the exact angle needed to fit through that narrow opening? It has to be astronomically high, but on that morning I beat the odds! Lucky me!! Forget the fact that this happened on my way to the airport, leaving me without any way to contact the Uber that never came, by the way. I had to take a… taxi! I had to pay cash, for God’s sake!!

My Dearly Departed iPhone: farewell, old friend. May you rest in pieces.

          Rescuers were eventually able to retrieve my ill-fated phone, and all things considered it was in pretty good shape -- if you don't count the fact it’s totally inoperable and appears to have a severe case of Scoliosis. But other than that, it’s good as new. I guess on a positive note, the screen protector seems to have done its job.

          As disturbing and unsettling as all of this was, I was not at all prepared for what was to come. Due to the timing of this mishap, right before a weekend, and thanks to those persistent and super annoying supply chain issues, I was going to be sans phone for at least 3-4 days. GULP!

          Now, to be clear, I’m not one of those people who are attached to their phone, but still. Joni Mitchell once sang, “Don’t it always seem to go, That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone,” and boy, was Joni right. How was I now supposed to easily find out who that actress is on that series I’m streaming without my phone at hand? I surely never realized how many times I would need a code texted to my phone to access a site or confirm my identity. And how would I ever receive the latest important news about my car’s extended warranty!? I even had to check for e-mail and play Wordle on my computer! Que horror!! But that wasn’t even the worst part.

          What about all the friends and family trying to get in touch with me? The thought of how I’d ever be able to wade through and catch up on days of missed phone calls and texts was overwhelming and anxiety inducing. And all for naught.

          After what ended up being seven phoneless days, I hadn’t received a single voicemail. Not even a missed call! A whole week of being wireless-less, and the only texts I received were from Walgreens and a 20% off digital coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond! Egad!! It was all too much for a Middle Child to bear. I guess in hindsight, I shouldn’t have been surprised at all. But it’s all behind me now. I have a new, functioning phone. Feel free to call or text me. 

 

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The Middle Child Valentine's Day Playlist

          Feeling unloved on Valentine’s Day? Welcome to the club! Now you know what it feels like to be a Middle Child every day! Being overlooked and under-loved is something we know all too well, but on Valentine’s Day it feels even worse. (It feels almost as bad as getting zero attention on Middle Child’s Day, but not quite. Nothing's worse than that.)

          To help you through what will likely be a particularly difficult day of Middle Child misery, I’ve compiled a special Valentine’s Day playlist – a collection of songs that capture the essence of feeling unwanted and unloved -- a selection of standards from the Middle Child Syndrome songbook. So when you need a break from keeping track of who did and didn’t wish you a “Happy Valentine’s Day,” take a moment from feeling slighted and forgotten, click the links and crank up a little music to feel sorry for yourself by.

       Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day!!

 

“ALL BY MYSELF” 

Eric Carmen

 

“OWNER OF A LONELY HEART”

Yes

“DON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME” 

Simple Minds

Listen to the Middle Child version, a.k.a. “The Middle Child Anthem”

 

“ONLY THE LONELY”

The Motels

 

“DANCING WITH MYSELF”

Billy Idol

 

“ALONE AGAIN (NATURALLY)” 

Gilbert O'Sullivan

 

“LONELY BOY”

Andrew Gold

Turns out he wasn't really a lonely boy at all. Find out more here. 

 

Check out these great ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day like a Middle Child! 

 

Middle Child Valentine’s Day “I Don’t Care Bears”

Middle Child Valentine’s Day Candy Hearts

 

Middle Child Valentine’s Day Cards

 

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Guess Who's NOT Coming to Dinner?

Enjoy a veritable feast of Middle Child Thanksgiving reading:

“No Thanks!”

“Thanksgiving is NOT the Middle Child of Holidays”

“The Ultimate Middle Child Thanksgiving Meal” 

“Let's Talk Turkey: Putting a Middle Child Myth to Rest”

 “Thanksgiving: The Middle Child of Holidays”

 

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