Gone, but...Forgotten

          Recently, I had a tragic, freak accident with my iPhone. I’ll spare you all the gory details and cut to the chase: my phone slipped through that little space between the inside and outside of an elevator and fell 16 stories to an untimely death. I know, I know… what are the odds of that happening, right? What are the chances that my phone would fall at precisely the exact angle needed to fit through that narrow opening? It has to be astronomically high, but on that morning I beat the odds! Lucky me!! Forget the fact that this happened on my way to the airport, leaving me without any way to contact the Uber that never came, by the way. I had to take a… taxi! I had to pay cash, for God’s sake!!

My Dearly Departed iPhone: farewell, old friend. May you rest in pieces.

          Rescuers were eventually able to retrieve my ill-fated phone, and all things considered it was in pretty good shape -- if you don't count the fact it’s totally inoperable and appears to have a severe case of Scoliosis. But other than that, it’s good as new. I guess on a positive note, the screen protector seems to have done its job.

          As disturbing and unsettling as all of this was, I was not at all prepared for what was to come. Due to the timing of this mishap, right before a weekend, and thanks to those persistent and super annoying supply chain issues, I was going to be sans phone for at least 3-4 days. GULP!

          Now, to be clear, I’m not one of those people who are attached to their phone, but still. Joni Mitchell once sang, “Don’t it always seem to go, That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone,” and boy, was Joni right. How was I now supposed to easily find out who that actress is on that series I’m streaming without my phone at hand? I surely never realized how many times I would need a code texted to my phone to access a site or confirm my identity. And how would I ever receive the latest important news about my car’s extended warranty!? I even had to check for e-mail and play Wordle on my computer! Que horror!! But that wasn’t even the worst part.

          What about all the friends and family trying to get in touch with me? The thought of how I’d ever be able to wade through and catch up on days of missed phone calls and texts was overwhelming and anxiety inducing. And all for naught.

          After what ended up being seven phoneless days, I hadn’t received a single voicemail. Not even a missed call! A whole week of being wireless-less, and the only texts I received were from Walgreens and a 20% off digital coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond! Egad!! It was all too much for a Middle Child to bear. I guess in hindsight, I shouldn’t have been surprised at all. But it’s all behind me now. I have a new, functioning phone. Feel free to call or text me. 

 

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Pity the Poor, Lonely Firstborn?

          Over the years, I’ve posted many times about a wide variety of Middle Child related music. “Middle Child” by rapper/producer J.Cole, “Stuck in the Middle With You” by 70’s folk/rock group Stealers Wheel, “Smack Dab in the Middle” by disco diva Janice McClain, and many more have all been discussed and dissected on this blog. I’ve even posted our very own “Middle Child Anthem” and other Middle Child musical parodies. But this time it’s different, because this featured song isn’t about a Middle Child at all. It’s about a firstborn.

          I know, I know. Why am I writing about a firstborn song on a Middle Child blog? Don’t they already get enough attention!? I would’ve thought so. But according to the lyrics of “Lonely Boy,” a 1977 international hit song by Andrew Gold, that might not be the case. Take a listen, and we’ll discuss. 

 

 

 “Lonely Boy” spent five months on the charts, reaching #7 in both Canada and the U.S. It reached #11 in the U.K. 

 

          I’ll be the first to admit, I have always liked this song. There’s a certain orchestral quality about it that strikes a chord with me. But those lyrics.There was something about them that never sat quite right with me. They fly in the face of everything I’ve ever believed about firstborns. He felt lonely? Betrayed!? Could my whole understanding of the favored first born just be a myth? Oh my god, is this song actually making me feel bad for a firstborn? I had to do some digging.

 

“He was born on a summer day 1951

And with a slap of a hand he landed as an only son” 

 

          At first glance, the lyrics to “Lonely Boy” appear to be autobiographical. Andrew was born on a summer day in 1951. August 2, to be exact. He was the firstborn child of singer Marni Nixon and composer Ernest Gold.

 

“In the summer of '53 his mother brought him a sister” 

 

          Andrew’s younger sister Martha was in fact born on July 22, 1953 -- just like the song says. 

 

“He left home on a winter day, 1969”

 

          This appears to be a reference to Andrew’s first band, Bryndle, which was formed in -- you guessed it-- 1969. So this song has to be the autobiographical story of a firstborn who feels neglected by his parents after the birth of a younger sister, right? Not so fast!

“Lonely Boy” was released in 1976
on Andrew Gold’s second album,
“What's Wrong With This Picture?”

          In an interview with British radio presenter Spencer Leigh, Gold admitted that wasn’t really the case. “Maybe it was a mistake to do that, but I simply put in those details because it was convenient,” Gold said. “I hadn't been a lonely boy at all. I'd had a very happy childhood,” he conceded. 

          Ah hah! I knew it!! That makes way more sense. And once again, all is right with the world. But that’s not the real end to this story. 

          In his song, Gold leaves out any mention of his youngest sibling, sister Emma! Yeah, that means Martha was a Middle Child! I would argue that she's the one who deserves to feel betrayed. The birth of a younger sister meant she was no longer the only girl! I mean, even after Martha’s birth, Andrew was still the only son, so what was he whining about? Maybe the song should’ve been called “Lonely Girl,”  except I think that title might already be taken. 

          In any case, it turns out this post wasn’t all about a firstborn after all. 

 

Good As Gold: Andrew Gold was a multi-instrumentalist, singer, songwriter, and record producer. He produced, toured or played with The Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, James Taylor, Jackson Browne, Joni Mitchell, 10cc,  Cher,  Trisha Yearwood, Wynonna Judd, Vince Gill, Celine Dion, and so many more. “Lonely Boy” was featured in a number of films including “Boogie Nights” (1997) and “The Waterboy” (1998). The song's use in “Boogie Nights” came in at #5 on Rolling Stone’s list of “The 30 Greatest Rock & Roll Movie Moments.” It was also the final video to be played on MTV’s first day of broadcast in the U.S. During the 1990s, Gold produced, composed, performed on and wrote tracks for films, commercials, and television, including the theme for “Mad About You” (“Final Frontier”).  His 1978 hit “Thank You for Being a Friend” achieved even greater popularity as the opening theme  for “The Golden Girls.” Sadly, Gold passed away at age 59 after a battle with kidney cancer. 

Not The Only Lonely Boy: Andrew Gold apparently wasn't the first alleged lonely firstborn. “Lonely Boy” by firstborn  Paul Anka,  was released in 1959 and reached #1 on Billboard's Hot 100. Middle Child Donny Osmond also charted with a B-side cover version in 1972.