Pity the Poor, Lonely Firstborn?

          Over the years, I’ve posted many times about a wide variety of Middle Child related music. “Middle Child” by rapper/producer J.Cole, “Stuck in the Middle With You” by 70’s folk/rock group Stealers Wheel, “Smack Dab in the Middle” by disco diva Janice McClain, and many more have all been discussed and dissected on this blog. I’ve even posted our very own “Middle Child Anthem” and other Middle Child musical parodies. But this time it’s different, because this featured song isn’t about a Middle Child at all. It’s about a firstborn.

          I know, I know. Why am I writing about a firstborn song on a Middle Child blog? Don’t they already get enough attention!? I would’ve thought so. But according to the lyrics of “Lonely Boy,” a 1977 international hit song by Andrew Gold, that might not be the case. Take a listen, and we’ll discuss. 

 

 

 “Lonely Boy” spent five months on the charts, reaching #7 in both Canada and the U.S. It reached #11 in the U.K. 

 

          I’ll be the first to admit, I have always liked this song. There’s a certain orchestral quality about it that strikes a chord with me. But those lyrics.There was something about them that never sat quite right with me. They fly in the face of everything I’ve ever believed about firstborns. He felt lonely? Betrayed!? Could my whole understanding of the favored first born just be a myth? Oh my god, is this song actually making me feel bad for a firstborn? I had to do some digging.

 

“He was born on a summer day 1951

And with a slap of a hand he landed as an only son” 

 

          At first glance, the lyrics to “Lonely Boy” appear to be autobiographical. Andrew was born on a summer day in 1951. August 2, to be exact. He was the firstborn child of singer Marni Nixon and composer Ernest Gold.

 

“In the summer of '53 his mother brought him a sister” 

 

          Andrew’s younger sister Martha was in fact born on July 22, 1953 -- just like the song says. 

 

“He left home on a winter day, 1969”

 

          This appears to be a reference to Andrew’s first band, Bryndle, which was formed in -- you guessed it-- 1969. So this song has to be the autobiographical story of a firstborn who feels neglected by his parents after the birth of a younger sister, right? Not so fast!

“Lonely Boy” was released in 1976
on Andrew Gold’s second album,
“What's Wrong With This Picture?”

          In an interview with British radio presenter Spencer Leigh, Gold admitted that wasn’t really the case. “Maybe it was a mistake to do that, but I simply put in those details because it was convenient,” Gold said. “I hadn't been a lonely boy at all. I'd had a very happy childhood,” he conceded. 

          Ah hah! I knew it!! That makes way more sense. And once again, all is right with the world. But that’s not the real end to this story. 

          In his song, Gold leaves out any mention of his youngest sibling, sister Emma! Yeah, that means Martha was a Middle Child! I would argue that she's the one who deserves to feel betrayed. The birth of a younger sister meant she was no longer the only girl! I mean, even after Martha’s birth, Andrew was still the only son, so what was he whining about? Maybe the song should’ve been called “Lonely Girl,”  except I think that title might already be taken. 

          In any case, it turns out this post wasn’t all about a firstborn after all. 

 

Good As Gold: Andrew Gold was a multi-instrumentalist, singer, songwriter, and record producer. He produced, toured or played with The Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, James Taylor, Jackson Browne, Joni Mitchell, 10cc,  Cher,  Trisha Yearwood, Wynonna Judd, Vince Gill, Celine Dion, and so many more. “Lonely Boy” was featured in a number of films including “Boogie Nights” (1997) and “The Waterboy” (1998). The song's use in “Boogie Nights” came in at #5 on Rolling Stone’s list of “The 30 Greatest Rock & Roll Movie Moments.” It was also the final video to be played on MTV’s first day of broadcast in the U.S. During the 1990s, Gold produced, composed, performed on and wrote tracks for films, commercials, and television, including the theme for “Mad About You” (“Final Frontier”).  His 1978 hit “Thank You for Being a Friend” achieved even greater popularity as the opening theme  for “The Golden Girls.” Sadly, Gold passed away at age 59 after a battle with kidney cancer. 

Not The Only Lonely Boy: Andrew Gold apparently wasn't the first alleged lonely firstborn. “Lonely Boy” by firstborn  Paul Anka,  was released in 1959 and reached #1 on Billboard's Hot 100. Middle Child Donny Osmond also charted with a B-side cover version in 1972.

Let's Kick and Make Up

A Middle Child Love Story?

     When people talk about “falling head over heels” for someone, they usually mean it figuratively. The heel, or any part of the foot for that matter, doesn’t really play any part. Or does it?

Before there were WMDs, there were these.

     When I was in first or second grade, there was a girl in my class named Kim. Kim A... maybe I shouldn't mention her last name. Throughout the week, at random times, without warning and for no apparent reason, Kim would kick me. Not a gentle “I’m-trying-to-get-your-attention” kick, but more of a “let-me-see-how-hard-I-can-kick-you” kick. Let me just say, if you were choosing sides for a game of kickball, you would want Kim on your team. She was quite the kicker. And you have to remember, back when I was a kid, we didn’t wear sneakers to school. We wore shoes. Hard shoes. Little girls wore patent leather Mary Janes or maybe a clunky pair of Saddle shoes -- shoes that could inflict serious damage on a young boys shins. So it goes without saying, Kim left her mark on me. My legs, not to mention my ego, were bruised. Why did this girl hate me so much? What did I do to deserve this? That’s when I got my first relationship advice from my mother:

“Kim doesn’t hate you,” my mother explained.
“She kicks you because she likes you.”

Kim didn’t break my heart, but possibly my fibula.

     I’m sorry, you wanna run that by me again, Mom? Kicking is a sign of affection?? For a seven or eight year old boy, this was not an easy concept to wrap your head around. I mean, I was still trying to grapple with how it was even possible to like girls when everyone knew they gave you cooties. Now you’re telling me being liked by one means I’ll have to endure bodily harm? I did not sign up for this.
     Then again, as a Middle Child, it shouldn’t have been a totally foreign concept to me. We regularly feel overlooked and ignored, yet our parents and siblings insist that’s not the case. They say we are loved. So maybe love is supposed to feel like a kick in the pants? No, no no -- my mother had to be wrong. Kim probably kicked me because she thought I was obnoxious and annoying. It certainly wouldn’t be the last time someone felt that way about me. Besides, I was way too young to get involved in some kinky sadomasochistic relationship. Oh my god -- was my mother a proponent of S&M!?

     Thankfully, the kicking eventually stopped. That means she didn’t like me anymore, right? I don’t know whatever happened to Kim. I tried to locate her before writing this. As far as I can tell, she might be a lawyer somewhere outside of Chicago. (If you’re reading this, Kim, please don’t sue me.) She did write something nice in my eighth grade yearbook, so she must have really hated me by then. I guess she got smarter than me after eighth grade though, because I noticed in our High School yearbook she graduated a year ahead of me. It seems only fitting she got kicked up a grade.

A MUSICAL FOOTNOTE: As I was writing this post, two songs kept playing in my head. One was the 1975 Top 10 hit by Nazareth, “Love Hurts,” featuring some of the worst lip syncing I’ve ever seen. (WATCH)  The original version was performed by The Everly Brothers in 1961 (LISTEN) The other song was The Mills Brothers #1 hit “You Always Hurt the One You Love,” originally recorded in 1944.(LISTEN)  I was surprised to see how many people covered this song including: Connie Francis (LISTEN), Clarence “Frogman” Henry (LISTEN), Brenda Lee (LISTEN), Kay Starr (LISTEN), Ringo Starr, no relation (LISTEN), Fats Domino (LISTEN), Paul Anka (LISTEN), Willie Nelson (LISTEN), The Ink Spots (LISTEN), Pat Boone (LISTEN), Peggy Lee (LISTEN), The Lennon Sisters (LISTEN), and Michael Bublè. (LISTEN) Ryan Gosling even performed a version in the movie “Blue Valentine.” (WATCH) But my favorite was the 1945 Spike Jones version. (LISTEN)