It's Official: Middle Children are the Best!

          Pinch me. I must be dreaming. The findings from a new birth order study have generated some surprisingly good news for Middle Children! As reported in The Guardian, “In one of the largest studies ever conducted on birth order, family size and personality, Canadian researchers gathered data from more than 700,000 volunteers and found that on average, middle children scored higher than their siblings on traits seen as important for cooperation.” Using the HEXACO Personality Inventory, the study specifically found that Middle Children were found to be more honest, more humble, and more agreeable than our older and younger siblings.

          I KNEW IT!

          Finally some proof of how amazing we are. Kinda makes our siblings sound like a bunch of creeps, no? Okay, maybe I’m getting a little carried away. I mean, this study is an outlier. I hate to burst my own bubble, but most studies over the years have concluded that birth order has a negligible, if any, influence on personality. I should probably calm down and put it all in perspective…

 

          But wait, there’s even more good news. Another recent study  has found that first born and only children are more likely to experience anxiety and depression! Okay, maybe that’s not such good news, especially for first born and only children. But it’s certainly not bad news for Middle Children, right?

          Well, now it sounds like I’m just being heartless and spiteful. That was not my intention. I’m probably just reading way too much into all this research. I now realize none of this actually makes Middle Children the best.

          Of course, it certainly doesn’t make us the worst, either.

          I guess it makes us more like somewhere… in the middle.

 

See how you measure up! Take the HEXACO Personality Test 

 

Watch a report on these findings from the Australian TV Show “The Project ”

 

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DON'T MISS THESE MIDDLE CHILD HOLIDAY CLASSICS:

“Melvin, the Middle Reindeer”

“The Middle Child's Night Before Christmas”

“Chanukah, Oh Chanukah (Middle Child Style)”

 

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DON'T MISS THESE MIDDLE CHILD HOLIDAY CLASSICS:

“Melvin, the Middle Reindeer”

“The Middle Child's Night Before Christmas“

 Chanukah, Oh Chanukah (Middle Child Style)”

 

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'Tis the Season to Feel Neglected

         When you're a Middle Child, it's always the season to feel like you're an afterthought. Middle Child Syndrome doesn't take any time off for the holidays. In fact, being overlooked and forgotten feels even worse during the holiday season. And all the gift giving that goes on only compounds the problem. It just offers so many more opportunities for a Middle Child to feel snubbed and slighted. Like we need any more reasons to feel snubbed and slighted.

          You should also know -- like with most things involving a Middle Child -- giving holiday gifts to a Middle Child can be very tricky business. Give us the same thing you bought for our siblings and you could be accused of not caring enough. Give us each something different, and you could just as easily be accused of getting them something better! It’s a no-win situation.

          After almost a lifetime of dealing with this dilemma, as both a Middle Child gift giver and Middle Child gift recipient, I’ve come to the realization there is only one solution to this problem: getting something for the Middle Child that no one else would possibly want. Something only a Middle Child would appreciate. But where could one possibly go to find such a gift?

CLICK HERE 

to visit the Smack Dab Holiday Shop! 

 

          The Smack Dab Holiday Shop is where you’ll find over 300 Middle Child themed items, featuring apparel, accessories, and limited time only Chanukah and Christmas items, including Christmas ornaments and stockings. No self-respecting first or last born would wanna be caught dead within a mile of this merch! It's the perfect place to find a gift that's right for every Middle Child on your list. That is, if you remembered to put them on your list!

FULL DISCLOSURE: there’s no guarantee that anything you order now will arrive in time for the Holidays, but not to worry -- better belated than never. Trust me, it beats being forgotten altogether. 

 

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A Troublesome Thanksgiving Tradition

          Here we go again. The annual onslaught of “Thanksgiving is the Middle Child of Holidays” memes and Tik-Toks is already in high gear. It’s seems every year I have to explain to people that Thanksgiving is far too beloved a day to be considered a Middle Child, while at the same time reminding them there already is a Middle Child of holidays – AUGUST 12, MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY FOR GODSAKE!               

          I will admit, though, the Middle Child does have a uniquely uncomfortable relationship with Turkey Day, probably because of the increased levels of Middle Child Syndrome that accompany the day. And most holidays for that matter. But I was today years old when it dawned on me there’s a particular Thanksgiving tradition that has “Middle Child problem” written all over it -- the breaking of the Thanksgiving turkey wishbone.

          You know the rules: two people each grab an end of the wishbone, pull it apart until it breaks, and good luck is in store for the person who ends up with the larger part of the bone. (Hence the term, “lucky break” some etymologists tell us. Others believe it derives from the ancient game of pool or billiards.) But if you’re a Middle Child, I'm warning you:

 

DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO THIS TROUBLESOME TRADITION!

 

          You know how this story ends. We already always feel like we can’t catch a break! The last thing we need is one more opportunity to confirm that we can’t. Literally.
          And with our Middle Child Syndrome likely already off the charts, do we really need to let this all play out in front of the whole family?

          I don’t think so.

          Let your siblings fight over who’s “the lucky one.”

          We already know who it’s not. 

 

CLICK HERE 

to check out Thanksgiving recipes from the Middle Child Cookbook!

CLICK HERE

for a crash course on turkey wishbones from Reader's Digest. 

 

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Middle Child’s Day HQ

          No fireworks. No parade. No big sales. Nobody pays attention to Middle Child’s Day. So we’ve assembled everything you need to help make this the most memorable Middle Child’s Day yet!

BROWSE ALL OUR MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY GIFT GUIDES:

2023 GIFT GUIDE    2022 GIFT GUIDE    2021 GIFT GUIDE 

2020 GIFT GUIDE    2018 GIFT GUIDE    2014 GIFT GUIDE 

 

 SEE THE ENTIRE COLLECTION OF MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY CARDS:

CLICK HERE

RAISE A GLASS TO THE MIDDLE CHILD: 

Sample some Middle Child Mixology

CLICK HERE

 

WATCH THE MIDDLE CHILD MASTERPIECE THEATER MARATHON: 

Binge Middle Children all day long! 

 

DOWNLOAD “ATTN: PLEASE!” – THE MIDDLE CHILD APP:

CLICK HERE

 

START YOUR COLLECTION OF MIDDLE CHILD TRADING CARDS:

CLICK HERE

 

GET YOUR INTERNATIONAL MIDDLE CHILD UNION MEMBERSHIP CARD:

RIGHT CLICK IMAGE TO DOWNLOAD

 

READ “MIDDLE CHILD, WILL YOU PLEASE GO NOW!”: 

PLAY A ROUND OF MIDDLE CHILD JEOPARDY:

CLICK HERE TO PLAY

SEE HIGHLIGHTS OF MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY PARADES FROM AROUND THE WORLD:

 

LISTEN TO THE MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY PLAYLIST:

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

HAVE SOME LAUGHS WITH MIDDLE CHILD COMEDIANS:

 (NOTE: Nate Bargatze is NOT a Middle Child, but his bit is so funny, it had to be included!)

CLICK HERE TO WATCH

 

HAVE A HAPPY MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY!!

 

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Middle Child Trading Cards are Here!

          Just in time for Middle Child’s Day. Collect them all! Trade with friends!

          Get the “stats” on famous fictional and real life Middle Children from the worlds of  TV & Movies, Business & Politics, Art & Music, History & Science. Years from now, these limited edition Middle Child collectibles likely won’t be worth much. But that’s okay. You probably won’t even remember you have them. 

          Series 1 is here now, with more to come.

 

CLICK HERE

 to see all 23!

  Coming soon to the blog:

Middle Child's Day HQ: your one stop for everything Middle Child's Day

PLUS more...

 

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Middle Child Syndrome? There’s an App for That!

          Now Middle Children can get at least a little of the attention they need, whenever they need it, wherever they are! Harnessing the power of the world’s most advanced, free downloadable AI technology, computer programmers at the International Middle Child Union IT department have created the first-ever Middle Child app.

          Introducing ATTN: PLEASE!!

          Now the power to fight Middle Child Syndrome is literally right at your fingertips. When Middle Child Syndrome strikes, just tap any button for instant attention, and hear the kinds of things Middle Children never get to hear -- but their siblings have probably heard countless times! Plus there’s a special bonus button just for Middle Child’s Day.

          What a great Middle Child’s Day gift for the Middle Children in your life. Even better because it’s totally FREE! 

          Download ATTN: PLEASE!! today. 

          It's way cheaper than therapy.

 

To download app:  CLICK HERE  from your phone or scan the QR code. 

To send by text or e-mail: tap SHARE APP on home screen, then COPY LINK 

 

        

  Coming soon to the blog:

Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards

Middle Child's Day HQ: your one stop for everything Middle Child's Day

PLUS more...

 

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Middle Child Masterpiece Theater Names New Inductees

          The hallowed halls of Middle Child Masterpiece Theater are getting more crowded. With the addition of our newest inductees, the total number of members that have been bestowed this prestigious honor is now 22! You can see them all at the SmackDab Channel on Youtube, or celebrate Middle Child's Day with all your favorite TV and movie Middle Children ALL DAY LONG -- binge the NEW Middle Child Masterpiece Theater Marathon super cut!!

 

SAMANTHA “SAM” BAKER

(Played by Molly Ringwald in “Sixteen Candles”/1984)

 

The premise of John Hughes’ teen angst classic is pure Middle Child. It’s Sam’s 16th birthday, but her family is so consumed with her older sister’s wedding the next day, everyone has completely forgotten her birthday! It doesn’t get any more Middle Child than that.

 

ELLIOTT TAYLOR

(Played by Henry Thomas in “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial”/1982)

 

A lonely ten year old longing for friendship forms a psychic connection with a big eyed, long necked, Reese’s Pieces loving alien. Of course the kid’s a Middle Child! While not the title character, maybe Elliot can lay claim to top billing since his initials are also E.T? Can’t blame a MidKid for trying.

 

LADY EDITH CRAWLEY

(Played by Laura Carmichael in “Downton Abbey”/2010-15)

She’s been called everything from “a classic Middle Child” to “an Edwardian Jan Brady.” But mostly, she’s just called “Poor Edith.” Lost in the shadow of her older sister, Lady Mary, and outshined by the energetic spirit of her younger (and departed) sister, Lady Sybil, Lady Edith manages to take low self esteem to new depths. 

LEONARD HOSTADTER

(Played by Johnny Galecki in “The Big Bang Theory”/2007-19)

To say Leonard had issues with the way he was parented would be an understatement. His neuroscientist/psychiatrist mother once humiliated him by making him give back a ribbon at a science fair. She always conducted tests on him, like sending him on an Easter egg hunt without hiding any eggs just to see how long he would keep looking. His father was an anthropologist who spent more time with 2000-year-old skeletons than with Leonard. To compensate for lack of affection, Leonard built a hugging machine. Instead of celebrating Christmas, he had to write research papers about it that were returned graded in his Christmas stocking. He always got C’s.  

 

DON'T FORGET! MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!

 Coming soon to the blog:

“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”

Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards 

PLUS more...

 

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Birth Order Historians Find Rare Middle Child Artifact

          A team of research historians, funded by the International Middle Child Union, have discovered  a remarkable piece of Middle Child memorabilia. Hidden deep in the bowels of an abandoned warehouse at an undisclosed location, they have unearthed the only known copy of the never published “Middle Child Digest” magazine. Originally slated to make its debut decades ago, publication was halted due to lack of interest. Not surprisingly, it was all but forgotten about until now. 

          Birth order conspiracy theorists (a.k.a. Middle Children) have long believed a cabal of entitled first-borns and pampered last-borns not only pirated the only remaining copy, but swore a secret oath to make sure it never saw the light of day. This only proves what Middle Children have always suspected: that our oldest and youngest siblings have made it their life's mission to deny us the opportunity to receive attention however and whenever possible. Efforts that, I might add, continue to this day. 

          Sadly, with great success. 

          But in an ironic twist, the Middle Child is getting the last laugh. Even though “Middle Child Digest” was never able to sell even a single copy, it is still “The World’s Leading Magazine for Middle Children”-- because it was the world’s only magazine for Middle Children. 

          So, ha!

          Take that!!

DON'T FORGET! MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!

 Coming soon to the blog:

“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”

Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards 

New 2024 Middle Child Masterpiece Theater Inductees

PLUS more...

 

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A Middle Child's Day Reminder That's Just What the Doctor Ordered...

DON'T FORGET! 

MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!

 

Coming soon to the blog:

RARE FIND: inaugural cover of “Middle Child Digest” magazine.

“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”

PLUS more...

 

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Finding the Perfect Date for Middle Child's Day.

          Are you a Middle Child looking for the perfect soul mate to share Middle Child’s Day with? Then steer clear of an only child! At least that’s what some experts suggest in a recent post by PureWow.com Associate Editor Marissa Wu. These experts say an only child would be the “Worst Choice,” because only children need lots of attention which could be a problem for a Middle Child. Gee, ya think!?! Look, I don’t want to hear another word about only children needing attention. Please. Like they don’t get enough from their parents already? An only child gets tons of attention by default. There’s simply no other sibling to give it to. Lucky bastards. A Middle Child, on the other hand, has to scratch and claw for every bit of attention we get -- which still isn’t enough. I really hate to sound like a Middle Child, but NO FAIR! Only children don’t need any more attention, especially from me, thank you. Besides, needing attention is our thing, so back off! 

          I have to agree. Dating an only child sounds like a bad idea. But who then? An oldest child doesn’t even get a mention, which is probably a first. We’ve got two viable options, the experts say. Another Middle Child could work. I mean, misery does love company, so maybe they’re right. Or they suggest we try to find us a youngest child who might add what they call “a playful edge.” I’m not exactly sure they mean by that. Are they saying Middle Children aren’t fun? That we’re too bitter and easily angered? Because if that's what they're saying, it really, really, pisses me off.

          I actually think there really is no “Best Choice” for a Middle Child, but more like a “Least Worse Choice.” All things considered, we’re probably better off celebrating Middle Child’s Day alone. 

 

DON'T FORGET! 

MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!! 

 

Coming soon to the blog:

“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”

 NEW Video Version of “What if Dr. Suess Wrote a Middle Child Book?”

PLUS more...

 

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Is Middle Child Syndrome About to Get Even LESS Attention?

Can't a Middle Child Get a Break?:
a Break?: Now they're stealing the 
spotlight from our namesake syndrome!?

          Well, it appears the impossible has happened: our lowly status in the birth order pecking order has reached a new low. “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” is the new syndrome on the block, stealing away what little attention was given to our namesake syndrome. In case you haven’t read about it in the New York Times or heard about it on the Today Show, Eldest Daughter Syndrome is a term used to describe “the unique pressures and responsibilities placed upon the oldest daughter in the family,” according to Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her TikTok video titled “8 Signs of Eldest Daughter Syndrome” has been viewed more than 6 million times. Yes, Middle Children, EDS is all the rage. It’s even got it’s own acronym, so you know this is a serious threat!

          I know that in the past I have bemoaned being burdened with our very own syndrome. “Why us,” I’ve asked. Oldest and youngest siblings have their own set of common characteristics, I've argued. How come their birth order traits didn’t get a syndrome? Look, while nobody wants to have their very own syndrome, when you’re a Middle Child you take what you can get. The truth is, over the years I’ve developed a special relationship with our syndrome. OUR syndrome. So yes, as much as it may suck, now that another birth order group is actually claiming one for themselves, I am fully exercising my Middle Child contrarian rights to cry “non aequum.” No fair!!

Pity the Poor Eldest Daughter: all that attention
and adoration! Let me get my violin out!!

          Playing the Middle Child Syndrome card was always our ace up the sleeve. Our siblings got all the attention and love, but we got our own syndrome. Sure, it was a booby prize, but it was something they didn’t have. Or want. Can’t we even have that to ourselves anymore? They need one, too?? Seems pretty greedy, if you ask me. Besides, for years our siblings have been discrediting Middle Child Syndrome by minimizing the toll it has taken on us. “It’s all in our heads,” they’ve told us. But now that one of them has some issues, suddenly birth order syndromes are a legitimate thing?

          Clearly I’ve got some issues with this Johnny- come-lately syndrome. Being the eldest daughter means you were either the first girl born in the family or the first born outright, right? Am I to believe the first daughter isn’t overloaded with perks and privileges? Not to mention attention. Give me a break! This also means there are instances when the eldest daughter is also the youngest in the family. My little sister was the eldest daughter. She was the first and only daughter and the baby in the family, and she gets her own syndrome? F*** me!! 

          Meanwhile, our syndrome is totally based on not getting enough attention, and now it has to fight for attention with a rival syndrome!? It’s the ultimate irony. Trust me, the last thing we need is to get into a syndrome competition with our siblings. We all know who will come out on the losing end of that one. 

          I’m warning you, look out Middle Children. They’re coming for our syndrome. (And if you’re a Middle Child you know who “they” are.) While I could not find any reputable attorney to issue a cease and desist order, WE MUST STOP THIS MADNESS before every other birth order starts claiming a syndrome for themselves. What next... Youngest Son Syndrome? 2nd Born Left Handed Blonde Syndrome?

 

 

          

          Holy crap, it’s happening already!!!  As the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I cannot understand how I was not reached for comment about this new alleged syndrome. Oh wait, yes I can!

          Once again, the Middle Child is overlooked. 

 

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