How to NOT Celebrate Middle Child's Day

         Over the last 10 years, I’ve tried to help find all sorts of new ways to celebrate Middle Child’s Day. I convinced over 100 MiLB teams to hold “Middle Child Appreciation Nights” at stadiums all across the country. I reached out to cities and towns all around the world asking them to issue proclamations officially acknowledging Middle Child’s Day. For years, I’ve been creating FREE Middle Child’s Day greeting cards and publishing the annual “Middle Child’s Day Gift Guide.” I even tried to get us a parade to celebrate our not-so-big day. I’ve always focused my efforts on how to make the day something a Middle Child can feel good about. Or at least less bad. But this year, as I was exploring new ideas, I came across a blog that appeared to have something different in mind.

        The folks over at bestmessage.org set the bar pretty high with their Middle Child’s Day offering, promising “hilarious Middle Child’s Day jokes,” “funny Middle Child quotes,” “the most awesome collection of Middle Child messages,” not to mention, Middle Child’s Day greeting cards. So let’s see what uplifting hilarity they’ve cooked up for us on our special day. Here’s a sampling of some suggested “Middle Child’s Day Greeting Messages:”

 

“The Middle Child always thinks that he is being constantly taken for granted and forgotten.

Happy Middle Child’s Day to you my dear.”

 

          I feel it needs to be stated clearly that this is not a greeting. This is a simple, sad statement of facts. I also probably don’t even need to point out that this is not the least bit humorous. Neither is this, for that matter:

 

“Having a Middle Child in the family is like having someone on whom you can always

pass on the blame with ease. Happy Middle Child’s Day!” 

 

          Middle Child’s Day greetings? Sounds more like Middle Child’s Day condolences. Perhaps a few “Middle Child Quotes” will provide some much needed inspiration:

 

“Middle child has a tough life, he is neither the eldest and nor the youngest and therefore, 

he will always stay somewhere in between.”

 

          Gee, thanks for the thoughtful insight. What a joke! Oh, my bad – these are some of the jokes:

 

“Being a Middle Child is like you are always on the training to face the real world, 

the world which always neglects you and irritates you. Happy Middle Child’s Day.” 

 

          Wait, how is that even close to being a joke? It doesn’t seem to have any of the basic elements of a joke, like -- I don’t know -- a setup? Or a punchline, maybe? Who would find that remotely funny, expect for maybe a first or last-born. Here's another real knee-slapper:

 

“Being a Middle Child is being neglected all the time, you are never the only child and nor you are the youngest to one always be pampered. Warm wishes on Middle Child’s Day.”

          Good lord! I’m failing to see much of a difference between the jokes, the quotes and the messages. Even though they all do share the absence of anything resembling humor. They certainly aren't anywhere near hilarious. Oh, and where are the Middle Child’s Day greeting cards, by the way? That’s right, there are none – which means this blog remains the best (and probably only) place you’ll find them. CLICK HERE to get some for FREE.

          So thanks for thinking of us, bestmessage.org, but I'd rather you didn't. The last thing we need is more Middle Child misery. It’s almost time for some Middle Child revelry. At least for one day.

 

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The 2022 Middle Child's Day Gift Guide

          Curating a collection of Middle Child’s Day gift ideas is getting harder by the
year. I mean, it’s not like there’s a plethora of providers. I’d like to be able to blame the pandemic, or supply chain issues, or high gas prices. But it’s most likely because so few people even know that August 12 is Middle Child’s Day! After all, it’s hard to manufacture gifts for a holiday you don’t even know exists. Still, I’m no quitter, so I gave it my best shot.

DRESS THE PART: There may be a dearth of diverse Middle Child’s Day gift ideas, but there never seems to be a shortage of Middle Child tee-shirts. Select a “Dog-poop” design from Redbubble, a “Forgotten Child” selection from Amazon, and there’s always a huge array of Middle Child apparel and more at the Smack Dab Shop, including the all new International Middle Child Union 10th Anniversary tee.

MIDDLE CHILD MUNCHIES: You can’t go wrong with your basic Middle Child Chocolate Bar, available at It’Sugar locations. Or for a really special Middle Child’s Day treat, order a top quality, delicious baked treat from “The Middle Child,” an artisan bakery located in Dublin, Ireland. Better yet, make it a really special treat, and take your Middle Child to Ireland to pick out their favorite!!

 

MY 1ST MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY: Yeah, more Middle Child tee-shirts, but these are specially made for those poor souls who just got demoted from the cherished ranks of the youngest child. Available at Walmart.

WELCOME TO THE CLUB: What better gift for those stuck in the middle than a Middle Child sticker!? Now it's easier than ever to stick it to your favorite Middle Child. I'm sure it wouldn’t be the first time. Buy them on Etsy. 

MIDDLE CHILD MELODIES: With lyrics like this, it’s obvious why Wisconsin born and raised singer-songwriter Matthew Davies makes this year’s list.  

“Look up look down it’s the Middle Child. 

Not quite as smart as his brother Niles. 

Not nearly as tough as his sister. 

Why? Oh... He’s the Middle Child.” 

You can buy his album, “Middle Child” on Bandcamp.

 

ALSO CHECK OUT THE 2021 MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY GIFT GUIDE

 

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New Middle Child's Day Greeting Cards are here!!

          We're celebrating Middle Child's Day (and the 10th anniversary of the International Middle Child Union) with what could be our best collection of Middle Child's Day greeting cards yet. And if not the best, certainly the newest! Don't be fooled by cheap imitations, even though it's pretty hard to be any cheaper than FREE. These are the only Middle Child's Day greeting cards officially endorsed by the I.M.C.U. Mostly because they are the only Middle Child's Day greeting cards out there, but still...

(Click on images to enlarge. Right click to e-mail.)

See the entire collection of Middle Child's Day Cards: 

7th Edition   6th Edition   5th Edition   4th Edition   3rd Edition   2nd Edition   1st Edition

 

COMING SOON TO THE BLOG:  

- A walk down Middle Child Memory Lane, taking a look back at some of our favorite posts.

- 10 years of Middle Child melodies: a musical review.  

- 2022 Middle Child's Day Gift Guide

-PLUS who knows what else!?!

 

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Prepare for Middle Child's Day. Play Middle Child Jeopardy!

CLICK HERE TO PLAY

Find out more about that time the Middle Child was on Jeopardy. And that other time. 

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International Middle Child Union Celebrates 10 Years of Obscurity!

         It’s been 10 years since the plan for a #MiddleChildStrike  to draw attention to Middle Child’s Day was hatched, ultimately leading to the birth of the International Middle Child Union. But now, after a decade of barely budging the bar for awareness of our namesake holiday, we finally have something to celebrate. Okay, so maybe people still aren’t paying much attention to Middle Child’s Day. But at least we can celebrate 10 years of trying!

          Since 2012, we’ve made various fruitless efforts to bring Middle Child’s Day to the forefront. After the 2013 #MidKidStrike, I successfully pitched the idea of “Middle Child Appreciation Nights” to more than 100 Minor League baseball teams from 2014-2016. In 2017, the I.M.C.U. “Middle-Town Outreach” encouraged Middletowns around the world to officially acknowledge Middle Child’s Day. Facing news of Middle Child extinction in 2018, we took our efforts to new heights, seeking to spread Middle Child’s Day greetings on the Goodyear blimp. From 2019 – present, we’ve

championed the search to find a host city for the world’s first Middle Child’s Day parade.  And each year, we release a new collection of Middle Child’s Day Greeting cards and our annual Middle Child’s Day Gift Guide. But wait, there's more! Our efforts extend well beyond August 12, with posts throughout the year right here at the official blog of the I.M.C.U.

          Sadly, try as we might, Middle Child’s Day usually goes by unnoticed. Still, after 10 years of hard work, I say we take a moment to celebrate all we haven’t accomplished! Then it’s back to the drawing board in our never ending quest to make August 12th a day that will be circled on calendars around the world. Sure, maybe I’m overreaching – so I’ll temper my expectations. If we can’t make Middle Child’s Day top of mind, I’ll settle for middle of mind. 

 

COMING SOON TO THE BLOG: 

- A walk down Middle Child Memory Lane, taking a look back at some of our favorite posts.

- 10 years of Middle Child melodies: a musical review.

- NEW Middle Child's Day Greeting Cards.

 

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WANTED: Host City for First-ever Middle Child’s Day Parade

          The worst of the pandemic is behind us. (Where have I heard that before?) So as the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I think the time is right for us to resume our efforts to find a city or town willing  to host the first-ever Middle Child’s Day Parade. I mean, people are traveling and dining out again, going to concerts, movies, sporting events – they even stormed the capitol! Plus, this year the I.M.C.U. is celebrating our 10th anniversary -- a whole decade of obscurity. So surely the time is right

for us to resume our quest to find a place willing to help us celebrate our namesake holiday.

          Along with finding a cure for Middle Child Syndrome, establishing a parade celebrating Middle Child’s Day, which falls on August 12^th each year, has long been a stated goal of the I.M.C.U. And we came this close a few years ago. (NOTE: I’m holding my fingers further apart than you’d expect for someone who thinks they were actually close to making something happen.) After some interest from Pittsburgh, PA and Worcester, MA fizzled, I put our efforts on hold for the past two years due to safety concerns during the pandemic -- but I’m not so sure why anymore. In hindsight, I don’t think a large turnout was a very a realistic concern. Still, as the self-proclaimed World’s Leading (and only) Middle Child Advocate, I will continue to fight the good fight, more determined than ever to make sure Middle Child’s Day isn’t treated like some hand-me-down holiday.

          Sure, raising awareness for a holiday nobody pays any attention to is an uphill battle, but when you’re a Middle Child, it’s just another day at the office.

 

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Middle Child Smacks First Born, and Gets Rewarded!

          In a world where Middle Children don’t get away with anything and usually get blamed for everything, history was made at the 94th Academy Awards.  Maybe you haven’t heard yet, but actor Will Smith (2nd of 4 children) slapped comedian Chris Rock (oldest of 7 children) across the face during the live Oscars telecast -- and actually didn’t get in any trouble! WTF!? I mean, that never happens to a Middle Child. In fact, minutes after smacking Rock, Smith not only received an award, he got a standing ovation! Getting showered with attention after exhibiting some truly outrageous behavior? It’s a Middle Child dream come true!

          Boy, those big shot Hollywood Mid Kids must have it pretty good. According to recent reports, Smith wasn’t even actually asked to leave the theater after assaulting Rock. It was more like a suggestion. So now the Academy is conducting a formal review as they “consider disciplinary actions.” Jeeesh! When I kicked my older brother in the balls for humiliating me in front of friends during a game of basketball, I got grounded for a week. Right on the spot!

           Look, maybe cracking a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s alopecia (an autoimmune disease that attacks hair follicles causing patchy bald spots) could be considered… insensitive. Sure, it was hardly a knee slapper. But it certainly wasn’t a face slapper.

          It just goes to show, you never know what’s gonna make a Middle Child snap. I’ve spent years trying to clean up our image, and no sooner than you can say, “Keep my wife’s name out your f**king mouth,” all of my hard work goes down the drain -- with like, the whole world watching! With the flip of a wrist, the “Fresh Prince” instantly becomes an inductee into the “Middle Child Hall of Shame.”

          I swear, sometimes we’re our own worst enemy. 

 

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Gone, but...Forgotten

          Recently, I had a tragic, freak accident with my iPhone. I’ll spare you all the gory details and cut to the chase: my phone slipped through that little space between the inside and outside of an elevator and fell 16 stories to an untimely death. I know, I know… what are the odds of that happening, right? What are the chances that my phone would fall at precisely the exact angle needed to fit through that narrow opening? It has to be astronomically high, but on that morning I beat the odds! Lucky me!! Forget the fact that this happened on my way to the airport, leaving me without any way to contact the Uber that never came, by the way. I had to take a… taxi! I had to pay cash, for God’s sake!!

My Dearly Departed iPhone: farewell, old friend. May you rest in pieces.

          Rescuers were eventually able to retrieve my ill-fated phone, and all things considered it was in pretty good shape -- if you don't count the fact it’s totally inoperable and appears to have a severe case of Scoliosis. But other than that, it’s good as new. I guess on a positive note, the screen protector seems to have done its job.

          As disturbing and unsettling as all of this was, I was not at all prepared for what was to come. Due to the timing of this mishap, right before a weekend, and thanks to those persistent and super annoying supply chain issues, I was going to be sans phone for at least 3-4 days. GULP!

          Now, to be clear, I’m not one of those people who are attached to their phone, but still. Joni Mitchell once sang, “Don’t it always seem to go, That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone,” and boy, was Joni right. How was I now supposed to easily find out who that actress is on that series I’m streaming without my phone at hand? I surely never realized how many times I would need a code texted to my phone to access a site or confirm my identity. And how would I ever receive the latest important news about my car’s extended warranty!? I even had to check for e-mail and play Wordle on my computer! Que horror!! But that wasn’t even the worst part.

          What about all the friends and family trying to get in touch with me? The thought of how I’d ever be able to wade through and catch up on days of missed phone calls and texts was overwhelming and anxiety inducing. And all for naught.

          After what ended up being seven phoneless days, I hadn’t received a single voicemail. Not even a missed call! A whole week of being wireless-less, and the only texts I received were from Walgreens and a 20% off digital coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond! Egad!! It was all too much for a Middle Child to bear. I guess in hindsight, I shouldn’t have been surprised at all. But it’s all behind me now. I have a new, functioning phone. Feel free to call or text me. 

 

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The Middle Child Valentine's Day Playlist

          Feeling unloved on Valentine’s Day? Welcome to the club! Now you know what it feels like to be a Middle Child every day! Being overlooked and under-loved is something we know all too well, but on Valentine’s Day it feels even worse. (It feels almost as bad as getting zero attention on Middle Child’s Day, but not quite. Nothing's worse than that.)

          To help you through what will likely be a particularly difficult day of Middle Child misery, I’ve compiled a special Valentine’s Day playlist – a collection of songs that capture the essence of feeling unwanted and unloved -- a selection of standards from the Middle Child Syndrome songbook. So when you need a break from keeping track of who did and didn’t wish you a “Happy Valentine’s Day,” take a moment from feeling slighted and forgotten, click the links and crank up a little music to feel sorry for yourself by.

       Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day!!

 

“ALL BY MYSELF” 

Eric Carmen

 

“OWNER OF A LONELY HEART”

Yes

 

“DON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME” 

Simple Minds

Listen to the Middle Child version, a.k.a. “The Middle Child Anthem”

 

“ONLY THE LONELY”

The Motels

 

“DANCING WITH MYSELF”

Billy Idol

 

“ALONE AGAIN (NATURALLY)” 

Gilbert O'Sullivan

 

“LONELY BOY”

Andrew Gold

Turns out he wasn't really a lonely boy at all. Find out more here. 

 

Check out these great ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day like a Middle Child! 

 

Middle Child Valentine’s Day “I Don’t Care Bears”

Middle Child Valentine’s Day Candy Hearts

 

Middle Child Valentine’s Day Cards

 

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Guess Who's NOT Coming to Dinner?

Enjoy a veritable feast of Middle Child Thanksgiving reading:

“No Thanks!”

“Thanksgiving is NOT the Middle Child of Holidays”

“The Ultimate Middle Child Thanksgiving Meal” 

“Let's Talk Turkey: Putting a Middle Child Myth to Rest”

 “Thanksgiving: The Middle Child of Holidays”

 

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