Sunday, November 22, 2020

The Ultimate Middle Child Thanksgiving Meal

          It’s going to be a very different Thanksgiving this year for millions of Americans. Hopefully, you’re following CDC guidelines and inviting fewer people over for Thanksgiving dinner. But no matter how small your gathering, one guest seems to show up, year after year -- always uninvited: Middle Child Syndrome. 
          As Thanksgiving and the holiday season approaches, actually whenever family is together for that matter, you can count on MCS rearing its ugly head. It’s not always easy to know what will set it off, but you can be sure something will. Maybe it’s reliving a need for attention from the past, or feelings of favoritism from the present. It might even be triggered by the food that’s served, or not served. 
          As if you needed any more on your Thanksgiving menu, we offer these MidKid-style versions of some all-time Thanksgiving favorites. 
 
 
 
 
 Classic Middle Child Turkey 
Season and baste turkey to your liking, place in preheated oven at 350˚, then totally forget it’s there. 
 
 
Roasted Bitter Nut Squash Soup 
Follow any Butter Nut squash soup recipe, then add a touch 
of sour grapes!
 
 
 
 
Not-so-Sweet Potato Casserole with Marshmallows
You’re allergic to sweet potatoes and you hate marshmallows, but your brother loves it -- so, too bad! 
 
 
 
Middle Child Mashed Potatoes 
Just like regular mashed potatoes, only not quite as good. 
 
 
 
 
 
 Second Hand Stuffing
Nobody else wanted it, so it’s yours. 
 
 
 
No-Fuss MidKid Gravy 
Don’t let the name fool you -- it’s a pain in the ass to make. It’s called “No Fuss” because nobody makes a big deal over it. Ever
 
 
 
 
Not-as-good-as-your-Sister's Cranberry Sauce
Really? All she did is open a can! And you both used the exact same brand!! How could hers possibly be better? So unfair. 
 
 
 
 
Best-Ever Candied Yams 
Well, of course they are. Your sister made them, too! 

 
5-Star Green Bean Casserole 
Yeah, yeah -- and she made the casserole.
 
 
 
 
Smack Dab Pumpkin Pie  
This triple layer treat is the icing on the cake. A delicious pumpkin pudding layer on the bottom, a mouthwatering whipped cream layer on the top -- and nobody cares what’s in the middle! It’s the perfect finish for a classic Middle Child Thanksgiving feast. Hope you enjoy yours! 
 
 
Relieve Thanksgiving Middle Child Syndrome with the perfect Middle Child wine!
Pair your Middle Child meal with a recommended selection from Middle Sister Wines. THIS IS REAL! You can pick up a bottle (or 10) at the Middle Sister Wine Shop
                            Sweet & Sassy                   Sweetie Pie                   Drama Queen 
                                 Moscato                  Goodie Two Shoes               Pinot Grigio
 Pinot Noir
 
FEAST ON THESE PREVIOUS MIDDLE CHILD THANKSGIVING POSTS: 
No Thanks!” 

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

FIRST BORN WINS! Middle Child Cries, “No Fair!”

          In what may go down as the most epic Middle Child meltdown in U.S. political history, future former President Donald J. Trump went full tilt MidKid upon learning Joe Biden was projected to become the 46th President of the United States. As promised, and true to form, he went down kicking and screaming, pulling out all the Middle Child stops. 
          Since election night, our Middle Child-in-Chief has impugned the entire election process with repeated claims of electile dysfunction, accusing his opponent and state officials of being part of a “corrupt Democrat machine” that, in no particular order, is guilty of “tremendous corruption,” “telling lie after lie after lie,” committing fraud, not to mention stealing, robbing, and rigging the election. But the people want details. They demand evidence! You want proof!? I’ll give you proof. The President says there is “a lot of shenanigans” and that “people are doing a lot of bad things.” What more do you need to know? But it gets even better.
So Much Whining
          The whole election wasn’t rigged. Just his part. All those Republicans who won or held seats? Those were all legit. That is one whacky (and poorly executed) conspiracy. While Biden is already millions of votes ahead and approaching what Trump called an “electoral college landslide” when he won the same number in 2016 (even though it wasn’t -- his margin of victory ranks 46th out of 58  U.S. Presidential elections), our pouting POTUS is still insisting he won.          
          Hey, look -- I get it. We’re Middle Children. We’re known for whining and moaning about how we’re always getting screwed. That’s our thing. No Middle Child likes someone else taking attention away from them. And we certainly don’t enjoy being embarrassed by a firstborn. I once got so upset when my older brother humiliated me in front of my friends during a pick-up basketball game, I kicked him as hard as I could in his nuts. Not my proudest moment, even though it was probably my best
shot of the game -- but that’s not the point. I was in my driveway, in front of like five other kids. The whole world wasn’t watching! And at least I apologized afterwards. I didn’t double down with a follow-up knee to the nads. But the West Wing whiner shows no signs of letting up. It’s been days since Biden was projected to win, and there’s no concession in sight. He’s even talking about spreading more conspiracy theories (and coronavirus) at rallies promoting his lost cause. At least my b-ball behavior didn’t put anyone’s life at risk, even though I’m sure my brother would beg to differ.
          I know nobody likes losing, but I’ve often wondered if given our history of believing we always get the short end of the stick, maybe Middle Children hate it even a little more. Maybe we’re sorer losers? The behavior of the current Oval Office occupant would suggest that’s the case. I don’t have any research to back this up, but you know I’ll be looking into it. In the meantime, I think we can all agree his behavior goes way beyond childish. It’s absolutely Middle Childish. 
 
POST-ELECTION POSTSCRIPT: I’ve written previous posts about my obsession with receiving mail and the important role the U.S. Postal Service has played in my Middle Child development. Many famous MidKids have earned their place on a U.S. postage stamp, and I've even proposed a stamp be issued acknowledging Middle Child's Day -- maybe for second class mail. In keeping with my philatelic predilection, I’m proposing the USPS issues these commemorative stamps to honor the special role mail-in ballots played in the 2020 election. 

 

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Unmasking a Middle Child

A Halloween Special Investigation
 
     When you’re raised in the backwoods of Texas by a family of abusive, cannibalistic, serial killers, your chances of turning out anything close to normal are slim. So Leatherface, the central character of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” film franchise, never really stood a chance. But was the deck stacked even more against him? Was one of the first and most influential killers of the slasher genre also... a Middle Child? It’s a horrifying thought, but one worth looking into. 
     Leatherface was part of a large family, best known for abducting, torturing, murdering, and ultimately eating stranded motorists. Leatherface helped feed his family by using his trademark chainsaw to “prepare” meals. When this crew said they were having company for dinner, they really meant it. But before literally serving their guest, Leatherface worked up quite an appetite skinning the face off his victim and sewing the pieces together to create his macabre mask. And now, we eat! 
     Over the course of his 50+ year fictional life, spanning eight movies, four different comic book series, and even a few video games, Leatherface’s family has morphed into multiple variations. First, they were the Sawyers in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (1974), “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” (1986), and “Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III” (1990). Then they were the Slaughters in “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: the Next Generation” (1994). In the reboot of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2003) and “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning” (2006), they were the Hewitts. Finally, they were the Sawyers again in “Texas Chainsaw 3D” (2013) and “Leatherface” (2017). Each iteration added new characters, made changes to existing ones, and often had conflicting timelines -- as if this group wasn’t enough of a horror show to start with. To make matters worse, they even dabbled in a little inbreeding, which not only makes it difficult to determine birth order, but even whether they were siblings or offspring -- or both! Leatherface himself had at least four name changes: "Bubba" Sawyer, Thomas Brown Hewitt, Jedidiah "Jed" Sawyer, and Junior Slaughter. Like I said, all this makes determining birth order really hard, but here’s what we do know.
     Leatherface had a a lot of brothers. (There was even a sister, who might possibly also be his mother.) Drayton Sawyer (“The Cook”), Nubbins Sawyer (“The Hitchhiker”), “Chop Top” Sawyer, Edward “Tex” Sawyer, Tinker “Tink” Sawyer, Alfredo Sawyer, “The Butcher,” “The Cook,” and Charlie Hewitt Jr. (a.k.a. Sheriff Hoyt -- don’t ask), have all been identified as older brothers. But on the other end of the spectrum, Jedidiah Hewitt (not to be confused with Jedidiah Sawyer a.k.a. Leatherface) has been described as “the youngest and most sane member of the murderous Hewitt family.” There’s also a description of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation” on Prime Video that reads, “Again young people meet up with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre villain Leatherface. This time they also meet his demented younger brother.”
     I know this is a lot to digest, but it does appear that in addition to his already many issues, Leatherface is also a Middle Child. Just when you think things couldn’t get any worse. I suppose none of this should really come as a great surprise to anyone. Middle Children do have a reputation for acting out with attention seeking behavior. Granted, the chainsaw and hand-sewn human skin mask thing may be a bit over the top, but I guess it takes a little more to get noticed when your entire family are murdering cannibals. 
     And so I leave you with this useful piece of advice: Never piss off someone who’s wearing a mask made from someone else’s face and brandishing a chainsaw. Especially if they’re a Middle Child. 
     Happy Halloween! 
 
MORE MIDDLE CHILD HALLOWEEN REQUIRED READING: 
 
 

Monday, October 19, 2020

Middle Child Supreme Court Injustice

An Apolitical Analysis 
 
          As Senate leadership rapidly moves forward to fill the seat vacated by the loss of judicial icon Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the country finds itself at a turning point. The nomination and confirmation of a new Supreme Court justice will impact the composition of the court for decades to come, and it’s always a brutal battle royale between left and right. A political brouhaha. But I see it as an often overlooked opportunity to restore some birth order balance to the hallowed chambers. Allow me to make my case.
          Of the eight sitting justices, five are firstborns: Stephen Breyer, Samuel Alito, and Sonia Sotomayor are all the oldest of two; Neil Gorsuch is the oldest of three; Brett Kavanaugh is an only child, which makes him a firstborn by default. It also kind of makes him a last born, but he was a firstborn first. Only three justices are Middle Children: Chief Justice John Roberts, Clarence Thomas, and Elena Kagan -- all second of three, Smack Dab Mid Kids. It should be noted there is no true lastborn on the court, which makes perfect sense. After all, the highest court in the land is no place for babies.
          As you can see, it’s hard to deny there is currently a strong firstborn bias on the bench. The nomination of Amy Coney Barrett, the eldest of seven, tilts the justice scales even further, favoring firstborns by a 6-3 margin. Like firstborns need to be favored more? It’s so unbalanced, you don’t even have to be a Middle Child to cry, “No fair!”
          And before anyone accuses me of Coney Barret bashing or taking sides, I’m trying to keep an open mind here. I dunno, maybe one of Judge Coney Barret's five Middle Child siblings would be qualified?
          As for taking sides -- you bet your ass I’m taking sides! Are you telling me there aren’t any Middle Child jurists up for the job? In fact, I say it’s time to pack the court with Middle Children! 
          Objection overruled. Case closed.

Friday, October 9, 2020

Pity the Poor, Lonely Firstborn?

          Over the years, I’ve posted many times about a wide variety of Middle Child related music. “Middle Child” by rapper/producer J.Cole, “Stuck in the Middle With You” by 70’s folk/rock group Stealers Wheel, “Smack Dab in the Middle” by disco diva Janice McClain, and many more have all been discussed and dissected on this blog. I’ve even posted our very own “Middle Child Anthem” and other Middle Child musical parodies. But this time it’s different, because this featured song isn’t about a Middle Child at all. It’s about a firstborn.
          I know, I know. Why am I writing about a firstborn song on a Middle Child blog? Don’t they already get enough attention!? I would’ve thought so. But according to the lyrics of “Lonely Boy,” a 1977 international hit song by Andrew Gold, that might not be the case. Take a listen, and we’ll discuss. 
 
 
 “Lonely Boy” spent five months on the charts, reaching #7 in both Canada and the U.S. It reached #11 in the U.K. 
 
          I’ll be the first to admit, I have always liked this song. There’s a certain orchestral quality about it that strikes a chord with me. But those lyrics.There was something about them that never sat quite right with me. They fly in the face of everything I’ve ever believed about firstborns. He felt lonely? Betrayed!? Could my whole understanding of the favored first born just be a myth? Oh my god, is this song actually making me feel bad for a firstborn? I had to do some digging.
 
“He was born on a summer day 1951
And with a slap of a hand he landed as an only son” 
 
          At first glance, the lyrics to “Lonely Boy” appear to be autobiographical. Andrew was born on a summer day in 1951. August 2, to be exact. He was the firstborn child of singer Marni Nixon and composer Ernest Gold.
 
“In the summer of '53 his mother brought him a sister” 
 
          Andrew’s younger sister Martha was in fact born on July 22, 1953 -- just like the song says. 
 
“He left home on a winter day, 1969”
 
          This appears to be a reference to Andrew’s first band, Bryndle, which was formed in -- you guessed it-- 1969. So this song has to be the autobiographical story of a firstborn who feels neglected by his parents after the birth of a younger sister, right? Not so fast!
“Lonely Boy” was released in 1976
on Andrew Gold’s second album,
What's Wrong With This Picture?
          In an interview with British radio presenter Spencer Leigh, Gold admitted that wasn’t really the case. “Maybe it was a mistake to do that, but I simply put in those details because it was convenient,” Gold said. “I hadn't been a lonely boy at all. I'd had a very happy childhood,” he conceded. 
          Ah hah! I knew it!! That makes way more sense. And once again, all is right with the world. But that’s not the real end to this story. 
          In his song, Gold leaves out any mention of his youngest sibling, sister Emma! Yeah, that means Martha was a Middle Child! I would argue that she's the one who deserves to feel betrayed. The birth of a younger sister meant she was no longer the only girl! I mean, even after Martha’s birth, Andrew was still the only son, so what was he whining about? Maybe the song should’ve been called “Lonely Girl,”  except I think that title might already be taken
          In any case, it turns out this post wasn’t all about a firstborn after all. 
 
Good As Gold: Andrew Gold was a multi-instrumentalist, singer, songwriter, and record producer. He produced, toured or played with The Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, James Taylor, Jackson Browne, Joni Mitchell, 10ccCherTrisha Yearwood, Wynonna Judd, Vince Gill, Celine Dion, and so many more. “Lonely Boy” was featured in a number of films including “Boogie Nights” (1997) and “The Waterboy” (1998). The song's use in “Boogie Nights” came in at #5 on Rolling Stone’s list of “The 30 Greatest Rock & Roll Movie Moments.” It was also the final video to be played on MTV’s first day of broadcast in the U.S. During the 1990s, Gold produced, composed, performed on and wrote tracks for films, commercials, and television, including the theme for “Mad About You” (“Final Frontier”).  His 1978 hit “Thank You for Being a Friend” achieved even greater popularity as the opening theme  for “The Golden Girls.” Sadly, Gold passed away at age 59 after a battle with kidney cancer. 

Not The Only Lonely Boy: Andrew Gold apparently wasn't the first alleged lonely firstborn.
Lonely Boy” by firstborn  Paul Anka,  was released in 1959 and reached #1 on Billboard's Hot 100. Middle Child Donny Osmond also charted with a B-side cover version in 1972.

Thursday, September 24, 2020

“Middle Child Masterpiece Theater” Honors New Inductees

          Only the crème de la crème of TV and motion picture Middle Child characters are deemed worthy enough to be featured in Middle Child Masterpiece Theater. Now, this illustrious and exclusive collection continues to grow with two new honorees. (Oh, who am I kidding? They’re all welcomed here!) 
 
BARRY GOLDBERG
(played by Troy Gentile)
          He’s the younger brother of Erica, the older brother of Adam, and the Middle Child star of ABC’s hit comedy “The Goldbergs.” According to his character bio, Barry “constantly thinks his family is ganging up on him and he's getting the short end of the stick. And he usually is.” He also believes “he lives in a vast world of unfairness.” The perfect profile for a classic TV Middle Child. 

 
RAMONA QUIMBY
(Played by Joey King)
          Immortalized in the popular children’s book series by Beverly Cleary, Ramona is the best friend and often annoying little sister of Beatrice (a.k.a. Beezuz) Quimby. She hates being a younger sister, and at the end of Ramona Forever she becomes an older sister to Roberta Day Quimby, which makes Ramona a you know what. Ramona was brought to life on the small screen in a short-lived 1988 Canadian television series. She reappeared on the big screen in the 2010 release Ramona & Beezuz, (alongside Selena Gomez as Beezus), which received generally positive reviews.

 
Congratulations to our newest inductees!
 
PREVIOUS HONOREES:

 
THE SIMPSONS
Middle Child: Lisa Simpson
VIEW CLIP
 
FAMILY TIES
Middle Child: Carol Seaver (Tracey Gold)
DUCKTALES
Middle Child: Dewey Duck
VIEW CLIP

 
MODERN FAMILY
Middle Child: Alex Dunphy (Ariel Winter)

 
 
THE GODFATHER
Middle Child: Fredo Corleone (John Cazale)
VIEW CLIP


See the entire collection on the YouTube Smack Dab Channel.

Thursday, September 17, 2020

ATTN: Middle Child

A Love Letter to the USPS

          The United States Postal Service has taken quite a beating lately. Mailboxes are disappearing. Overtime has been slashed. Delivery has been erratic. The President isn’t a big fan. It even seems like their own Postmaster General has it in for them. But I write this post with the deepest affection and admiration for the USPS, as it will always have a special place in my heart.
Getting mail = Getting attention
          When I was an attention-starved child Middle Child (as opposed to the attention-starved adult Middle Child I am today) -- back when there was no such thing as e-mailing and texting, or Facebook or Twitter -- getting mail was a big deal. If someone took the time to actually write a letter, stuff it in an envelope, put a stamp on it, and send it in the mail, that meant something. At least to me it did. 
          Checking the mail as soon as I got home from school was the highlight of my day. (Eeeks, as I was writing that I realized how pathetic that sounds.) There were even days when I pretended to be sick just so I could stay home from school and retrieve the mail the moment it arrived instead of waiting until later in the day. Oh yeah, I had it bad. Real bad.
Maybe I wrote too many letters?
          In my mind, more mail meant more attention, so I’d write letters to anyone I thought would write back: politicians, astronauts, celebrities, you name it. I wrote a lot of letters to Charles M Schulz, creator of one of my childhood cartoon idols, Charlie Brown. I wrote to him so often, I don’t see how it couldn’t have freaked him out. But each time, I would receive a letter back from Mr. Schulz. (I saved a whole stack of those letters for years, but at some point convinced myself they were just worthless form letters and trashed them all. Then I recently saw online that people are selling theirs for hundreds of dollars. AAUGH!) I also had a pen pal. He was from England and his name was Graham. (I got rid of those letters, too. Graham from England, if you’re reading this -- it’s me, Bruce. Sorry I haven’t written to you in a few decades. So, what’s new?)
          Perhaps now you can understand why when they talked about cancelling Saturday mail a few years back, I nearly blew a gasket. (Read “Stamp Out Middle Child Neglect.”) It’s also easy to see how this current mess might be enough to make me go postal. But fear not, my letter lugging, ballot bringing, Bed, Bath & Beyond 20%-off coupon carrying couriers. Together, we will survive this gloom of night -- for there is hope. A recent study found the USPS to be America’s most favorite government agency!  Sure, besting the likes of the IRS and the VA may not seem like any great shakes, but like every Middle Child knows, you take whatever accolades you can get.

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

It's about time!

          It wasn’t long ago they said time was running out for Middle Children. In 2018, New York Magazine declared we were going extinct. And I’ve been warning about our impending doom on this blog and the Smack Dab Channel for years. But now it appears our time has come -- quite literally. Shinola, the Detroit-based luxury goods retailer, is welcoming a new member to their family of watches. It’s part of their Detrola collection, and it’s called -- wait for it -- The Middle Child!
“The Unofficial Official
Watch of the I.M.C.U.”


          “Middle Children are invisible by nature, but now it’s time to be seen,” their introductory marketing proclaims. I sure like the way that sounds. “Finally, a Middle Child everyone will notice, “ they promise. As somewhat of an expert on second hand things, I have to agree -- it is a good looking watch. Designed as “a tribute to being unseen, but unforgettable,” Shinola describes the watch as “practically invisible, but far less likely to be left behind at a rest stop” -- also hard to argue with, painful as it may be. 
          As the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I can't tell you how pleased I am to learn about the launch of this new watch. We Middle Children will take attention any way we can get it, even if it's in the form of a semi-invisible timepiece. How pathetic of us. In any case, it's attention, so we'll take it. According to Shinola, “We would have launched it on Middle Child’s Day, but no one would have noticed.” Very funny. But you can be sure I’ll be including it in the 2021 Middle Child's Day Gift Guide.
          I couldn't get the good folks at Shinola to accept our endorsement as the “Official Watch of the I.M.C.U.” Just imagine the impact that could’ve had on sales! Go figure. But they seemed okay with being “The Unofficial Official Watch of the International Middle Child Union.” And while it’s hardly a hearty embrace of our support, it beats a flat out “no thanks,” I guess. I’ve suffered far greater Middle Child indignities. I also thought it would be a good idea if Shinola sent me one of these new watches so I could personally review it. They have yet to reply to my request. Oh well. 
          Of course, the fact that this new watch will probably get more attention than we do is mildly disturbing, but I can deal with it if it will help the cause. Who knows? Only time will tell. 
 
NOTE: As I’m always happy to throw some attention a Middle Child’s way, this was brought to my attention by Jeff Kearns of Baton Rouge, LA -- a long time reader of the blog and self-proclaimed “forever Middle Child.” Feel free to reach out to me at midkidmusings@gmail.com with story ideas and breaking Middle Child news.

Thursday, August 27, 2020

The Journey Begins: a Middle Child Memory

          Remember when this meme went viral? I do. I even wrote about it in a previous post. But like I’ve always said, my experience was different. I didn’t realize what it meant to be a Middle Child the moment I met my baby sister. It wasn’t until many years later that I fully understood, thanks in large part to a poem my mother had taped to a wall in the kitchen. I also wrote about that. Twice. No, my memory of the day my parents brought my sister home from the hospital is very different, and still so clear in my mind, even after all these years. Here’s what I recall. 
          It was a sunny September day. My older brother and I were playing outside waiting for my father to bring our mother and new baby sister home. The car pulled into the driveway, my mother got out, and what happened next is a moment that I will always remember.
          I GOT A FIRE TRUCK!
          I think my brother got a bicycle, but who cares? I got a fire truck! And not some Tonka sized toy, either, but one I could actually sit in and ride!! What a brilliant move by my parents. You know, a little distraction. Something to help ease the sting. A way of saying, “We still love you. Look at what we got you!” And it worked like a charm. I was so excited about tooling around in my new wheels, I totally forgot that I was about to be moved from the center of attention to the outer limits of adoration. Out of the limelight and into the dark corners of Middle Child oblivion. But, look at my new fire truck! It’s bright red and I can drive it all by myself. What a great day this is! How lucky am I? I have no idea how long that little person they just brought home is planning to visit, but I’m sure it won’t be long. And when she splits, I get to keep this awesome fire truck. What a deal. Suckers!
          Who knew? 
          I’m sure this vivid memory is aided by the fact that my father documented the entire homecoming on film. Of course he did. (I already wrote about the lack of photographic proof of my homecoming in a previous post, so I won’t go there again. Even though I think I just did, a little.) In any case, why settle for my written recollection of the day? Let’s go to the videotape...
 

          Look at me. What a happy little boy! What a glorious day!! Poor kid. I have no clue that my life is about to change forever. I’m even oblivious to the huge load it appears I’m carrying in my diaper. That's how happy I am.
 

          That’s me in the car with my mother, and tugging at her as she steps out of the car with my new sister. It’s almost as if I can sense the party is over. That these are my final moments as the cherished baby, about to become nothing more than a distant memory. Yesterday’s news. Cast aside onto the ash heap of birth order. Yeah, but that fire truck!
 

          Baby? What baby!?! I’ve got a fire to get to. Outta my way, lady! I was only alive for two years before my sister arrived. Ironically, I have no memory of those pre-Middle Child glory days. But I’ll never forget that fire truck. 
 
 
 
Here's a great way to welcome a new Middle Child to the ranks. Check out the new “I.M.C.U. New Member” merchandise at the Smack Dab Shop. It's no fire truck, but at least it's something.

Friday, August 21, 2020

No Hard Feelings

Middle Child’s Day: the aftermath.

          August 12 has come and gone, and I’d like to thank everyone who remembered to wish me a Happy Middle Child’s Day. I’d like to, but unfortunately I can’t, since almost nobody did. (I won’t name names. You know who you are.)
          Am I upset? Why would I be upset? I’m used to it. It’s not the first time this has happened. But who’s counting? The truth is, it’s never NOT happened before. It’s just business as usual. The same ‘ol same ‘ol.
          Sure, it’s not like Middle Child’s Day is some major holiday. It’s only the ONE DAY out of the WHOLE FRIGGIN’ YEAR dedicated to giving a Middle Child some attention. What’s the big deal if you TOTALLY forget it!? Who cares? Not me! I mean, it’s not like it was my birthday or anything, which I might add was also largely forgotten this year.
          I will say I don’t think my siblings had to tell me the reason they forgot to wish me Happy Middle Child’s Day was because they were out to dinner. Together. With the rest of the family. I don't think that was necessary. They could’ve just lied, right? But I don’t harbor any grudges. It’s water under the bridge. Even though the exact same thing happened last year. I don't care one bit.
          And why should I? Just because I blog and Tweet about Middle Child’s Day ALL YEAR LONG, talk about it on radio, TV, and to anyone who will listen, created Middle Child's Day greeting cards, formed the International Middle Child Union, tried to organize a Middle Child's Day parade, and have made it my mission to single-handedly raise awareness of Middle Child’s Day??? Why would I be disappointed? It doesn't bother me at all. Not even a little. I am SO over it. All is forgiven. 
          But I’m still working on the forgetting.

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Middle Child's Day Parade Global Highlights

          Another Middle Child's Day is here, and as the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I’m excited to share with you the results of our latest effort to raise awareness of our overlooked namesake day. To be honest, getting the word out about a holiday nobody pays attention to is an uphill battle, but that didn't stop the world’s largest (okay, we're the world's only) Middle Child advocacy group from reaching out to Middle Children everywhere, seeking their participation in a global "virtual" parade in honor of our special day.
          As you can see in this highlight video from Middle Child's Day parades all around the world, I'd say the excitement and enthusiasm for Middle Child's Day speaks for itself.

Monday, August 10, 2020

Greetings, Middle Child!

     When I once asked a sales associate in the greeting card aisle at a “big box” store if he could tell me where I might find the Middle Child’s Day section, I was almost laughed out of the store. Don’t let this happen to you! The NEW Middle Child’s Day greeting cards are here, and this is the only place you'll find them. Browse this exclusive assortment without stepping foot in a store. And without embarrassing yourself.

See the entire collection of Middle Child's Day Cards:
 
(Click on images to enlarge. Right click to save.)
COMING TO THE BLOG AUGUST 12
Watch Middle Child's Day Parade highlights from around the world!

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

The 2020 Middle Child's Day Gift Guide

     Can’t figure out what to get the Middle Children in your life for Middle Child’s Day? What’s that... you didn’t even know there was a Middle Child’s Day?? Well, I can see I have my work cut out for me.
     It’s wishful thinking to expect many people will remember Middle Child’s Day, let alone get us a gift, but in the off chance someone actually does, the “2020 Middle Child’s Day Gift Guide” makes searching for the perfect gift easier than remembering our birthdays. And you can purchase any of these gifts from the comfort and safety of your home, so don’t try using the pandemic as an excuse!
     MIDDLE CHILDREN, TAKE NOTE: The folks at the Whiskey River Soap Co. are at it again. Their Middle Child Candle and Middle Child Soap were featured in the 2018 Middle Child’s Day Gift Guide. They make the list again with pencils and journals for the Middle Child. After all, when it comes to being overlooked and forgotten, Middle Children could write a book. With gifts like these, now we can!
     MIDDLE CHILD REQUIRED READING: And speaking of books... “The Secret Power of Middle Children: How Middleborns Can Harness Their Unexpected and Remarkable Abilities” is a Middle Child must read. I spoke with co-author Catherine Salmon about her book on my “Pay No Attention to this Podcast,” and even though I think the overly positive title raises expectations and sets us up for disappointment, I still award it the I.M.C.U. Seal of Approval. I mean, it’s okay to dream, right?
     MID KID FASHION STATEMENTS: Help a Middle Child find what to wear to the next family function they're not invited too. Browse the huge selection of Middle Child tee-shirts at Chummy Tees, Etsy, and dozens of online shops. And don’t forget to check out all the 2020 Middle Child's Day, Middle Child Party, I.M.C.U. apparel and more available exclusively at the Smack Dab Shop.
     MIDDLE CHILD COVER-UPS: Wearing a mask says a lot about your commitment to keeping yourself and those around you safe. These say even more. See the selection available at Teepublic and the Smack Dab Shop.
     MIDDLE CHILD DECOR: What’s brewing in the world of Middle Child furnishings and accessories? Middle Child mugs, for one thing. Find them at Zazzle, Amazon, and Redbubble. Or make a Middle Child’s Middle Child’s Day with this Mid Kid throw pillow. It will make a Mid Kid actually feel at home. Sort of.
     ALL I WANT FOR MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY: is some attention. But since that’s not gonna happen, maybe a Middle Child Christmas Ornament will do? You can even get it personalized with the name of your favorite Middle Child. That is if you remember their name. Of course, any of the gifts on this list would make a great Holiday present. And yes, I know it’s kinda early to be doing Christmas shopping, but since the middle Kringle probably won’t be climbing down the chimney with a sack of goodies on Middle Child’s Day Eve, maybe you could get a head start. You know, before you forget altogether. Sure, they probably won’t be as good as the gifts the older and younger siblings get, but what else is new? 

For more Middle Child’s Day gift ideas, see the 2018 Middle Child’s Day Gift Guide,
the 2014 Gift Guide, and even more ideas from Etsy.
Also read these helpful tips for “Giving Gifts to a Middle Child.”

NOTE: GIFTS MAY NOT ARRIVE BY MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY,
WHICH ONLY SEEMS FITTING.

Coming Soon: All NEW Middle Child's Day Greeting Cards!