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Sunday, November 17, 2024
A Troublesome Thanksgiving Tradition
DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO THIS TROUBLESOME TRADITION!
You know how this story ends. We already always feel like we can’t catch a break!
The last thing we need is one more opportunity to confirm that we can’t.
Literally.
And with our Middle Child Syndrome likely already off the charts, do we really need to let this all play out in front of the whole family?
And with our Middle Child Syndrome likely already off the charts, do we really need to let this all play out in front of the whole family?
I don’t think so.
Let your siblings fight over who’s “the lucky one.”
We already know who it’s not.
for a crash course on turkey wishbones from Reader's Digest.
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Thursday, October 31, 2024
Monday, August 12, 2024
Middle Child’s Day HQ
No fireworks. No parade. No big sales. Nobody pays attention to Middle Child’s Day. So we’ve assembled everything you need to help make this the most memorable Middle Child’s Day yet!
BROWSE ALL OUR MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY GIFT GUIDES:
SEE THE ENTIRE COLLECTION OF MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY CARDS:
RAISE A GLASS TO THE MIDDLE CHILD:
Sample some Middle Child Mixology
WATCH THE MIDDLE CHILD MASTERPIECE THEATER MARATHON:
Binge Middle Children all day long!
DOWNLOAD “ATTN: PLEASE!” – THE MIDDLE CHILD APP:
START YOUR COLLECTION OF MIDDLE CHILD TRADING CARDS:
GET YOUR INTERNATIONAL MIDDLE CHILD UNION MEMBERSHIP CARD:
READ “MIDDLE CHILD, WILL YOU PLEASE GO NOW!”:
PLAY A ROUND OF MIDDLE CHILD JEOPARDY:
SEE HIGHLIGHTS OF MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY PARADES FROM AROUND THE WORLD:
LISTEN TO THE MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY PLAYLIST:
HAVE SOME LAUGHS WITH MIDDLE CHILD COMEDIANS:
(NOTE: Nate Bargatze is NOT a Middle Child, but his bit is so funny, it had to be included!)
HAVE A HAPPY MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY!!
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Saturday, August 10, 2024
Middle Child Trading Cards are Here!
Just in time for Middle Child’s Day. Collect them all! Trade with friends!
Get the “stats” on famous fictional and real life Middle Children from the worlds of TV & Movies, Business & Politics, Art & Music, History & Science. Years from now, these limited edition Middle Child collectibles likely won’t be worth much. But that’s okay. You probably won’t even remember you have them.
Series 1 is here now, with more to come.
to see all 23!
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Coming soon to the blog:
Middle Child's Day HQ: your one stop for everything Middle Child's Day
PLUS more...
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Thursday, August 8, 2024
Middle Child Syndrome? There’s an App for That!
Now Middle Children can get at least a little of the attention they need, whenever they need it, wherever they are! Harnessing the power of the world’s most advanced, free downloadable AI technology, computer programmers at the International Middle Child Union IT department have created the first-ever Middle Child app.
Introducing ATTN: PLEASE!!
Now the power to fight Middle Child Syndrome is literally right at your fingertips. When Middle Child Syndrome strikes, just tap any button for instant attention, and hear the kinds of things Middle Children never get to hear -- but their siblings have probably heard countless times! Plus there’s a special bonus button just for Middle Child’s Day.
What a great Middle Child’s Day gift for the Middle Children in your life. Even better because it’s totally FREE!
Download ATTN: PLEASE!! today.
It's way cheaper than therapy.
To send by text or e-mail: tap SHARE APP on home screen, then COPY LINK
Coming soon to the blog:
Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards
Middle Child's Day HQ: your one stop for everything Middle Child's Day
PLUS more...
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Tuesday, August 6, 2024
Middle Child Masterpiece Theater Names New Inductees
The hallowed halls of Middle Child Masterpiece
Theater are getting more crowded. With the addition of our newest inductees, the
total number of members that have been bestowed this prestigious honor is now 22!
You can see them all at the SmackDab
Channel on Youtube, or celebrate Middle Child's Day with all your favorite TV and movie Middle Children ALL DAY LONG -- binge the NEW Middle Child Masterpiece Theater Marathon super cut!!
The premise of John Hughes’ teen angst classic
is pure Middle Child. It’s Sam’s 16th birthday, but her family is so consumed
with her older sister’s wedding the next day, everyone has completely forgotten
her birthday! It doesn’t get any more Middle Child than that.
SAMANTHA “SAM” BAKER
(Played by Molly Ringwald in “Sixteen Candles”/1984)
ELLIOTT TAYLOR
(Played
by Henry Thomas in “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial”/1982)
LADY EDITH CRAWLEY
(Played by Laura Carmichael in “Downton Abbey”/2010-15)
She’s been called everything from “a classic Middle Child” to “an Edwardian Jan Brady.” But mostly, she’s just called “Poor Edith.” Lost in the shadow of her older sister, Lady Mary, and outshined by the energetic spirit of her younger (and departed) sister, Lady Sybil, Lady Edith manages to take low self esteem to new depths.
LEONARD HOSTADTER
(Played by Johnny Galecki in “The Big Bang Theory”/2007-19)
To say Leonard had issues with the way he was parented would be an understatement. His neuroscientist/psychiatrist mother once humiliated him by making him give back a ribbon at a science fair. She always conducted tests on him, like sending him on an Easter egg hunt without hiding any eggs just to see how long he would keep looking. His father was an anthropologist who spent more time with 2000-year-old skeletons than with Leonard. To compensate for lack of affection, Leonard built a hugging machine. Instead of celebrating Christmas, he had to write research papers about it that were returned graded in his Christmas stocking. He always got C’s.
DON'T FORGET! MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!
Coming soon to the blog:
“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”
Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards
PLUS more...
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Tuesday, July 30, 2024
Birth Order Historians Find Rare Middle Child Artifact
A team of research historians, funded by the International Middle Child Union, have discovered a remarkable piece of Middle Child memorabilia. Hidden deep in the bowels of an abandoned warehouse at an undisclosed location, they have unearthed the only known copy of the never published “Middle Child Digest” magazine. Originally slated to make its debut decades ago, publication was halted due to lack of interest. Not surprisingly, it was all but forgotten about until now.
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Birth order conspiracy theorists (a.k.a. Middle Children) have long believed a cabal of entitled first-borns and pampered last-borns not only pirated the only remaining copy, but swore a secret oath to make sure it never saw the light of day. This only proves what Middle Children have always suspected: that our oldest and youngest siblings have made it their life's mission to deny us the opportunity to receive attention however and whenever possible. Efforts that, I might add, continue to this day.
Sadly, with great success.
But in an ironic twist, the Middle Child is getting the last laugh.
Even though “Middle Child Digest” was never able to sell even a single copy, it is still “The World’s Leading Magazine for Middle Children”-- because it was the world’s only magazine for Middle Children.
So, ha!
Take that!!
DON'T FORGET! MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!
Coming soon to the blog:
“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”
Limited Edition Middle Child Trading Cards
New 2024 Middle Child Masterpiece Theater Inductees
PLUS more...
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Wednesday, July 24, 2024
A Middle Child's Day Reminder That's Just What the Doctor Ordered...
DON'T FORGET!
MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!
Coming soon to the blog:
RARE FIND: inaugural cover of “Middle Child Digest” magazine.
“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”
PLUS more...
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Wednesday, July 17, 2024
Finding the Perfect Date for Middle Child's Day.
I have to agree. Dating an only child sounds like a bad idea.
But who then? An oldest child doesn’t even get a mention, which is probably a first. We’ve got two viable options, the experts say. Another Middle Child could work. I mean, misery does love company, so maybe they’re right. Or they suggest we try to find us a youngest child who might add what they call “a playful edge.” I’m not exactly sure they mean by that. Are they saying Middle Children aren’t fun? That we’re too bitter and easily angered? Because if that's what they're saying, it really, really, pisses me off.
I actually think there really is no “Best Choice” for a Middle Child, but more like a “Least Worse Choice.”
All things considered, we’re probably better off celebrating Middle Child’s Day alone.
DON'T FORGET!
MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY IS AUGUST 12!!
Coming soon to the blog:
“Middle Child Syndrome? There's an App for That!”
NEW Video Version of “What if Dr. Suess Wrote a Middle Child Book?”
PLUS more...
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Wednesday, May 29, 2024
Is Middle Child Syndrome About to Get Even LESS Attention?
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| Can't a Middle Child Get a Break?: a Break?: Now they're stealing the spotlight from our namesake syndrome!? |
Well, it appears the impossible has happened: our lowly status in the birth order pecking order has reached a new low. “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” is the new syndrome on the block, stealing away what little attention was given to our namesake syndrome. In case you haven’t read about it in the New York Times or heard about it on the Today Show, Eldest Daughter Syndrome is a term used to describe “the unique pressures and responsibilities placed upon the oldest daughter in the family,” according to Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her TikTok video titled “8 Signs of Eldest Daughter Syndrome” has been viewed more than 6 million times. Yes, Middle Children, EDS is all the rage. It’s even got it’s own acronym, so you know this is a serious threat!
I know that in the past I have bemoaned being burdened with our very own syndrome. “Why us,” I’ve asked. Oldest and youngest siblings have their own set of common characteristics, I've argued. How come their birth order traits didn’t get a syndrome? Look, while nobody wants to have their very own syndrome, when you’re a Middle Child you take what you can get. The truth is, over the years I’ve developed a special relationship with our syndrome. OUR syndrome. So yes, as much as it may suck, now that another birth order group is actually claiming one for themselves, I am fully exercising my Middle Child contrarian rights to cry “non aequum.” No fair!!
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| Pity the Poor Eldest Daughter: all that attention and adoration! Let me get my violin out!! |
Clearly I’ve got some issues with this Johnny- come-lately syndrome. Being the eldest daughter means you were either the first girl born in the family or the first born outright, right? Am I to believe the first daughter isn’t overloaded with perks and privileges? Not to mention attention. Give me a break! This also means there are instances when the eldest daughter is also the youngest in the family. My little sister was the eldest daughter. She was the first and only daughter and the baby in the family, and she gets her own syndrome? F*** me!!
Meanwhile, our syndrome is totally based on not getting enough attention, and now it has to fight for attention with a rival syndrome!? It’s the ultimate irony. Trust me, the last thing we need is to get into a syndrome competition with our siblings. We all know who will come out on the losing end of that one.
I’m warning you, look out Middle Children. They’re coming for our syndrome. (And if you’re a Middle Child you know who “they” are.) While I could not find any reputable attorney to issue a cease and desist order, WE MUST STOP THIS MADNESS before every other birth order starts claiming a syndrome for themselves. What next... Youngest Son Syndrome? 2nd Born Left Handed Blonde Syndrome?
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Holy crap, it’s happening already!!!
As the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I cannot understand how I was not reached for comment about this new alleged syndrome. Oh wait, yes I can!
Once again, the Middle Child is overlooked.
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Saturday, May 4, 2024
Middle Child Extinction: The Gift That Keeps on Giving
Way back in 2013, I first raised concerns about Middle Child extinction in a post titled
“Are Middle Children an Endangered Species?” Sure enough, five years later, my worst fears were confirmed as talk of the impending demise of the Middle Child went viral. New York Magazine published a piece called “The Extinction of the Middle Child.” I wrote about it for a second time on this blog in a post titled “Our Middle Child Days are Numbered.” I also addressed this new threat in my first (and only) International Middle Child Union “State of the Union Address.” I even talked about the crisis on the Today Show. Things were not looking up.
But then, a glimmer of hope? A report from Pew research suggested maybe a comeback was on the horizon. To paraphrase Mark Twain, it appeared as though reports of our demise had been greatly exaggerated.
Whew! Oh happy day!! That was a close one. We live to fight another… oh crap.
Just when I thought we were out of the woods, it appears our reprieve has been -- revoked.
A recent CNN headline screams:
“GLOBAL FERTILITY RATES TO PLUNGE IN DECADES AHEAD, NEW REPORT SAYS.”
And the prognosis is dire. According to the study, the average number of children born to a woman in her lifetime has gone from 4.84 in 1950 to 2.23 in 2021. By 2100, it’s predicted to drop to 1.59! That’s well below the minimum needed to preserve our ranks. We’re a dying breed, my friends.
Look, I hate to be the Middle Child who cried wolf, but honestly --how many times in a lifetime should we have to face the threat of extinction?
Not that anybody cares.
I guess we’ve finally found the cure for Middle Child Syndrome.
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Tuesday, April 23, 2024
Thursday, April 18, 2024
Middle Child Memories: My Kosher for Passover Birthdays
Not every year, but far too many for my liking, my birthday has fallen on Passover. I’m bringing this up now because, well, it’s almost Passover, and this is one of those years. As an adult, this doesn’t matter much to me anymore. But as a child -- especially as a Middle Child – this was a very big deal. And not the good kind of very big deal.
Before this goes any further, I need to provide some context. If you’ve been following this blog, it should be abundantly clear by now that I have serious Middle Child issues. If the fact that I felt it necessary to create a blog to document the trials and tribulations of my unfortunate birth order position wasn’t enough to convince you, then perhaps knowing I also founded the International Middle Child Union to help raise awareness of our plight should seal the deal. Also, for the purposes of this post, it’s important to know that I grew up in a Kosher household, which means every Passover we dined on special Kosher for Passover plates and only ate Kosher for Passover foods for all eight days of the holiday. Regrettably, it also meant that on the years when my birthday and Passover collided, I had to have a.jpg)
Kosher for Passover birthday cake.
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Now, here’s something you need to know about Kosher for Passover birthday cakes: they are not very good. Even the “good” ones are not very good. A “good” Kosher for Passover birthday cake just means it’s not awful. This is not just some distorted Middle Child memory of mine. I am not alone in this belief. One review of Kosher for Passover desserts observed “It can be hard to bake desserts that are unleavened and still taste good,” and “many Passover foods taste stale even when they are fresh.” Another critique noted that Kosher for Passover desserts “often taste like they’d been abandoned in the dessert for 40 days and nights.” Still another declared “Passover desserts are not known for being delicacies. How could they be? What kind of baked goods are made without flour?” It further suggested that “Passover is a 
good time to try to skip desserts.” The particular dessert being reviewed was described as “seven layers of yellow cake made from potato starch so, yes, these layers are quite dry.” And this was written about a cake the reviewer actually liked! So you see what I had to deal with?
To be clear, I don’t believe any child, Middle or otherwise, should be subject to such indignity on their birthday. But if I'm being totally honest, it somehow feels even worse when you're a Middle Child. Just one more example of how once again my siblings somehow got the better end of the deal, and I got screwed. My brother and sister got to celebrate their birthdays with marvelously moist feasts of frosting, but no such birthday cake love for me. No fair! I had to just smile and suck it up as I choked down each arid bite of some nut laden concoction I would’ve been more than happy to just, yeah… pass over.
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