Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Is Middle Child Syndrome About to Get Even LESS Attention?

Can't a Middle Child Get a Break?:
a Break?: Now they're stealing the 
spotlight from our namesake syndrome!?

          Well, it appears the impossible has happened: our lowly status in the birth order pecking order has reached a new low. “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” is the new syndrome on the block, stealing away what little attention was given to our namesake syndrome. In case you haven’t read about it in the New York Times or heard about it on the Today Show, Eldest Daughter Syndrome is a term used to describe “the unique pressures and responsibilities placed upon the oldest daughter in the family,” according to Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her TikTok video titled “8 Signs of Eldest Daughter Syndrome” has been viewed more than 6 million times. Yes, Middle Children, EDS is all the rage. It’s even got it’s own acronym, so you know this is a serious threat!
          I know that in the past I have bemoaned being burdened with our very own syndrome. “Why us,” I’ve asked. Oldest and youngest siblings have their own set of common characteristics, I've argued. How come their birth order traits didn’t get a syndrome? Look, while nobody wants to have their very own syndrome, when you’re a Middle Child you take what you can get. The truth is, over the years I’ve developed a special relationship with our syndrome. OUR syndrome. So yes, as much as it may suck, now that another birth order group is actually claiming one for themselves, I am fully exercising my Middle Child contrarian rights to cry “non aequum.” No fair!!
Pity the Poor Eldest Daughter: all that attention
and adoration! Let me get my violin out!!
          Playing the Middle Child Syndrome card was always our ace up the sleeve. Our siblings got all the attention and love, but we got our own syndrome. Sure, it was a booby prize, but it was something they didn’t have. Or want. Can’t we even have that to ourselves anymore? They need one, too?? Seems pretty greedy, if you ask me. Besides, for years our siblings have been discrediting Middle Child Syndrome by minimizing the toll it has taken on us. “It’s all in our heads,” they’ve told us. But now that one of them has some issues, suddenly birth order syndromes are a legitimate thing?
          Clearly I’ve got some issues with this Johnny- come-lately syndrome. Being the eldest daughter means you were either the first girl born in the family or the first born outright, right? Am I to believe the first daughter isn’t overloaded with perks and privileges? Not to mention attention. Give me a break! This also means there are instances when the eldest daughter is also the youngest in the family. My little sister was the eldest daughter. She was the first and only daughter and the baby in the family, and she gets her own syndrome? F*** me!! 
          Meanwhile, our syndrome is totally based on not getting enough attention, and now it has to fight for attention with a rival syndrome!? It’s the ultimate irony. Trust me, the last thing we need is to get into a syndrome competition with our siblings. We all know who will come out on the losing end of that one. 
          I’m warning you, look out Middle Children. They’re coming for our syndrome. (And if you’re a Middle Child you know who “they” are.) While I could not find any reputable attorney to issue a cease and desist order, WE MUST STOP THIS MADNESS before every other birth order starts claiming a syndrome for themselves. What next... Youngest Son Syndrome? 2nd Born Left Handed Blonde Syndrome?
          Holy crap, it’s happening already!!!  As the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I cannot understand how I was not reached for comment about this new alleged syndrome. Oh wait, yes I can!
          Once again, the Middle Child is overlooked. 
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Middle Children need to be heard!