Friday, July 7, 2023

New Middle Child Study Findings Surprise No One

          Over the years, many studies on birth order have yielded not-so-good news for Middle Children. A 2011 study of workers with siblings found that Middle Children earned the least. A 2014 study found that Middle Children are least likely to find love later in life. A 2017 study found that we’re most likely to be troublemakers, delinquents, or worse yet – criminals. A 2019 study found that we’re least likely to feel comfortable talking to our parents about sex education. Still, other studies have found that Middle Children are less likely to be close to our mothers, less likely to turn to our parents when under duress, less likely to be family oriented, and more likely to have maladaptive perfectionism. (Whatever that is, it doesn’t sound good!) But do these so-called experts really know what they’re talking about? I mean, a few years back the Pew Research Center reported that Middle Children were on the verge of extinction, yet here I am. So I decided to conduct a little study of my own. My research methodology went something like this…
           Shortly after last Middle Child’s Day, on September 14 to be exact, I went off the grid. No Facebook or blog posts. No radio interviews. Not a peep, or even a Tweet for that matter. The purpose of my disappearing act was simple: find out what would happen if the founder of the International Middle Child Union and world’s leading Middle Child advocate, just vanished – not heard from for almost 10 months! Surely, my thousands of followers would think something was amiss, I hypothesized. They’d be absolutely panic stricken. Maybe even heartbroken.
          Not so much, it turns out.
          I hardly needed a team of data crunchers to analyze the results. A grand total of ONE follower inquired as to my whereabouts, and that was after being incommunicado for almost 9 months!                    Jeepers.
          While this desperate attention grab may have fallen way short of expectations, it only serves to
strengthen my resolve. Like a good Middle Child, no one may be listening, but you haven’t heard the last from me. In my role as International Middle Child Union boss, I am more committed than ever to finding a cure for Middle Child Syndrome while raising awareness of Middle Child’s Day. With only a little more than a month to the big day (August 12), I clearly have to make up for lost time.
          Not that anyone noticed.
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Middle Children need to be heard!