Monday, July 17, 2023

How Far Would You Go to Get Attention?

          As Middle Child’s Day approaches, I thought it would be a good time to ask a question that I’m sure every Middle Child has at least one good answer to: What’s the craziest/dumbest/most desperate thing you ever did for attention? Now, before I go any further, I want to be clear that this isn’t a question only Middle Children can answer. After all, we don’t have a monopoly on trying to get attention, even though we’re pretty darn close. Everyone has exhibited some good ‘ol Middle Child attention seeking behavior at some point in their lives, so we all can play along. I’ll go first…
          For as long as I can remember, I found making someone laugh was a great attention-grabbing tool. As a child, and as a grown ass man for that matter, I still find it very effective. There are those who would say I would do almost anything for a laugh (a.k.a. attention). In particular, I always got great pleasure out of making my younger sister laugh. Maybe because it was so darn easy -- she thinks everything I say is funny, even when I’m being dead serious.
          I remember one time when we were kids, we were in the back seat of my parents car on a long ride home. My sister and I were sharing a box of raisins. My older brother probably had a box of his own. I don’t remember why, not that there’s ever a good reason, but I was suddenly consumed by the overwhelming need for attention. So while my sister was looking out the window, I took two of the raisins and placed one in each of my nostrils. Seemed like a good idea at the time, and boy did it work. My sister had a fit of hysterical laughter. In fact, she was laughing so hard, it got me laughing.
          In hindsight, it would’ve been so much better if I had breathed out instead of in when I started laughing, but I wasn’t used to having raisins in my nose and was so caught up in the euphoria of all the attention I was getting, I wasn’t considering the anatomical consequences of my actions. I’ll spare you the gory details, but let’s just say raisins are much less painful when they enter your digestive system through your mouth rather than your nose.
          Lesson learned. 
          (FULL DISCLOSURE: This probably wasn’t even the most outrageous thing I did to get attention. More like the one I was least embarrassed to admit!)
          Here’s a clip from comedian John Mulaney’s most recent Netflix special, “Baby J” (it was great, by the way), where he shares a pretty dark childhood plan he had for getting attention...

          Okay, so now it’s your turn. Share your most ridiculous attention-grabbing scheme by commenting below, on Twitter @midkidmusings, on Facebook at the I.M.C.U. page, or if you feel like pissing off Elon Musk, on Threads @midkidunion. Winners will receive some attention. What else?
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Middle Children need to be heard!