Middle Child Extinction: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

          As if the emotional roller coaster of being a Middle Child wasn’t already enough of a wild ride, here we go again…

          Way back in 2013, I first raised concerns about Middle Child extinction in a post titled “Are Middle Children an Endangered Species?” Sure enough, five years later, my worst fears were confirmed as talk of the impending demise of the Middle Child went viral. New York Magazine published a piece called “The Extinction of the Middle Child.” I wrote about it for a second time on this blog in a post titled “Our Middle Child Days are Numbered.” I also addressed this new threat in my first (and only) International Middle Child Union “State of the Union Address.” I even talked about the crisis on the Today Show. Things were not looking up.

          But then, a glimmer of hope? A report from Pew research suggested maybe a comeback was on the horizon. To paraphrase Mark Twain, it appeared as though reports of our demise had been greatly exaggerated.

          Whew! Oh happy day!! That was a close one. We live to fight another… oh crap.

          Just when I thought we were out of the woods, it appears our reprieve has been -- revoked. A recent CNN headline screams:

 

“GLOBAL FERTILITY RATES TO PLUNGE IN DECADES AHEAD, NEW REPORT SAYS.”

 

          And the prognosis is dire. According to the study, the average number of children born to a woman in her lifetime has gone from 4.84 in 1950 to 2.23 in 2021. By 2100, it’s predicted to drop to 1.59! That’s well below the minimum needed to preserve our ranks. We’re a dying breed, my friends.

          Look, I hate to be the Middle Child who cried wolf, but honestly --how many times in a lifetime should we have to face the threat of extinction?

          Not that anybody cares.

          I guess we’ve finally found the cure for Middle Child Syndrome. 

 

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Surviving P.M.C.D.T.S.D.

          I could barely find the strength to write this post today. I am, like millions of other Middle Children, trying to recover from another psychologically bruising, emotionally draining Middle Child’s Day. Once again the day has taken its toll, leaving me to deal with the crushing aftermath: a severe case of Post Middle Child’s Day Traumatic Stress Disorder. Coupled with chronic Middle Child Syndrome, my post Middle Child’s Day malaise is palpable.
          You’d think after all these years I would know not to get my hopes up. But still, there’s that little voice in my head, deep in the middle of my brain, that says to me, “Maybe this year will be different. This year, people will actually... care.” Then, it’s August 12, and reality sinks in. The jokes:

          The insults:

          The self-loathing:

          And of course, the neglect:

          I search for answers, but only have myself to blame. I allowed myself to believe that my efforts to raise awareness for Middle Child’s Day were actually making a difference. After all, I was interviewed by the Today Show. HLN. Even some show in New Zealand. I was on the radio. I was in New York Magazine. “People are paying attention,” I foolishly believed. Surely I was making progress. My spirits were actually buoyed when I saw “Happy Middle Child’s Day” hashtags appearing with great frequency on our namesake day. But any hint of a wind was knocked out of my sails when I found out what was actually trending on Twitter: #WorldElephantDay. Really!? Even elephants get more attention than black sheep!?
          I had hit rock bottom. But why should I even care anymore? It’s been widely reported that Middle Children are going extinct, so why am I wasting my time? Maybe I should just call it a day and close up shop. Then, a headline pops up on my news feed:

“Reality Check: Are Middle Children Going Extinct?”

Wait, what? “Don’t believe them,” warns the middle voice in my head. Then, another headline:

“Middle Children Have Become Rarer, But A Growing Share Of Americans

Now Say Three Or More Kids Are Ideal.”

And just like that, the International Middle Children Union is back in business.