How to NOT Celebrate Middle Child's Day

         Over the last 10 years, I’ve tried to help find all sorts of new ways to celebrate Middle Child’s Day. I convinced over 100 MiLB teams to hold “Middle Child Appreciation Nights” at stadiums all across the country. I reached out to cities and towns all around the world asking them to issue proclamations officially acknowledging Middle Child’s Day. For years, I’ve been creating FREE Middle Child’s Day greeting cards and publishing the annual “Middle Child’s Day Gift Guide.” I even tried to get us a parade to celebrate our not-so-big day. I’ve always focused my efforts on how to make the day something a Middle Child can feel good about. Or at least less bad. But this year, as I was exploring new ideas, I came across a blog that appeared to have something different in mind.

        The folks over at bestmessage.org set the bar pretty high with their Middle Child’s Day offering, promising “hilarious Middle Child’s Day jokes,” “funny Middle Child quotes,” “the most awesome collection of Middle Child messages,” not to mention, Middle Child’s Day greeting cards. So let’s see what uplifting hilarity they’ve cooked up for us on our special day. Here’s a sampling of some suggested “Middle Child’s Day Greeting Messages:”

 

“The Middle Child always thinks that he is being constantly taken for granted and forgotten.

Happy Middle Child’s Day to you my dear.”

 

          I feel it needs to be stated clearly that this is not a greeting. This is a simple, sad statement of facts. I also probably don’t even need to point out that this is not the least bit humorous. Neither is this, for that matter:

 

“Having a Middle Child in the family is like having someone on whom you can always

pass on the blame with ease. Happy Middle Child’s Day!” 

 

          Middle Child’s Day greetings? Sounds more like Middle Child’s Day condolences. Perhaps a few “Middle Child Quotes” will provide some much needed inspiration:

 

“Middle child has a tough life, he is neither the eldest and nor the youngest and therefore, 

he will always stay somewhere in between.”

 

          Gee, thanks for the thoughtful insight. What a joke! Oh, my bad – these are some of the jokes:

 

“Being a Middle Child is like you are always on the training to face the real world, 

the world which always neglects you and irritates you. Happy Middle Child’s Day.” 

 

          Wait, how is that even close to being a joke? It doesn’t seem to have any of the basic elements of a joke, like -- I don’t know -- a setup? Or a punchline, maybe? Who would find that remotely funny, expect for maybe a first or last-born. Here's another real knee-slapper:

 

“Being a Middle Child is being neglected all the time, you are never the only child and nor you are the youngest to one always be pampered. Warm wishes on Middle Child’s Day.”

          Good lord! I’m failing to see much of a difference between the jokes, the quotes and the messages. Even though they all do share the absence of anything resembling humor. They certainly aren't anywhere near hilarious. Oh, and where are the Middle Child’s Day greeting cards, by the way? That’s right, there are none – which means this blog remains the best (and probably only) place you’ll find them. CLICK HERE to get some for FREE.

          So thanks for thinking of us, bestmessage.org, but I'd rather you didn't. The last thing we need is more Middle Child misery. It’s almost time for some Middle Child revelry. At least for one day.

 

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WANTED: Host City for First-ever Middle Child’s Day Parade

          The worst of the pandemic is behind us. (Where have I heard that before?) So as the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I think the time is right for us to resume our efforts to find a city or town willing  to host the first-ever Middle Child’s Day Parade. I mean, people are traveling and dining out again, going to concerts, movies, sporting events – they even stormed the capitol! Plus, this year the I.M.C.U. is celebrating our 10th anniversary -- a whole decade of obscurity. So surely the time is right

for us to resume our quest to find a place willing to help us celebrate our namesake holiday.

          Along with finding a cure for Middle Child Syndrome, establishing a parade celebrating Middle Child’s Day, which falls on August 12^th each year, has long been a stated goal of the I.M.C.U. And we came this close a few years ago. (NOTE: I’m holding my fingers further apart than you’d expect for someone who thinks they were actually close to making something happen.) After some interest from Pittsburgh, PA and Worcester, MA fizzled, I put our efforts on hold for the past two years due to safety concerns during the pandemic -- but I’m not so sure why anymore. In hindsight, I don’t think a large turnout was a very a realistic concern. Still, as the self-proclaimed World’s Leading (and only) Middle Child Advocate, I will continue to fight the good fight, more determined than ever to make sure Middle Child’s Day isn’t treated like some hand-me-down holiday.

          Sure, raising awareness for a holiday nobody pays any attention to is an uphill battle, but when you’re a Middle Child, it’s just another day at the office.

 

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A Middle Child Motivational Message

          Well, I’m back from my self-imposed month long post-Middle Child’s Day sabbatical (mental health leave), and I’m not gonna lie – I really needed the time off. I mean, all my hard work trying to raise awareness for Middle Child’s Day didn’t exactly pay off. It was hardly front page news. #MiddleChildsDay didn’t trend on Twitter. There also weren’t a ton of Middle Child’s Day posts on Facebook and Instagram, either. Even the planned belated Middle Child’s Day celebration at Swede’s Swing Inn in Ferryville, WI -- possibly the only known organized Middle Child’s Day celebration in the whole wide world -- didn't exactly go as planned. Oh, people showed up alright, but hardly anyone remembered it was a Middle Child’s Day celebration! And just to rub salt in the wound, nobody even called to wish me a Happy Middle Child’s Day. Rough stuff.

          I spent days and nights blaming myself for this massive failure. (I mean, who else could I blame when apparently I was the only person who even knew it was happening?!) But after much reflection and introspection, that’s all behind me know. I return with a renewed sense of commitment to the cause! The Middle Child’s Day Countdown Clock is up and running again and so am I, more determined than ever to lead the International Middle Child Union to new heights and reach not only our goal of raising awareness of Middle Child’s Day, but also finding a cure for Middle Child Syndrome and recruiting a host city for the first ever Middle Child’s Day Parade. Of course, increasing International Middle Child Union memberships (a.k.a. Twitter followers) would also be nice, but I don’t want to be greedy.

Coming soon to a city near you?

          As I lifted myself up from the depths of post-Middle Child’s Day despair, I drew strength from inspirational adages I think everyone, but Middle Children in particular, will appreciate. So I’ve assembled the uplifting thoughts that helped me through my darkest hours of PMCDTSD (Post Middle Child's Day Traumatic Stress Disorder) into a collection I’m calling “Middle Child Motivation.” 

          Below is the first one, but I’ll be posting more throughout the year, because I believe it’s important for me to share these messages of Middle Child hope and promise with the world.

          Then again, maybe I should just keep my thoughts to myself.

 

 

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No Hard Feelings

Middle Child’s Day: the aftermath.

          August 12 has come and gone, and I’d like to thank everyone who remembered to wish me a Happy Middle Child’s Day. I’d like to, but unfortunately I can’t, since almost nobody did. (I won’t name names. You know who you are.)

          Am I upset? Why would I be upset? I’m used to it. It’s not the first time this has happened. But who’s counting? The truth is, it’s never NOT happened before. It’s just business as usual. The same ‘ol same ‘ol.

          Sure, it’s not like Middle Child’s Day is some major holiday. It’s only the ONE DAY out of the WHOLE FRIGGIN’ YEAR dedicated to giving a Middle Child some attention. What’s the big deal if you TOTALLY forget it!? Who cares? Not me! I mean, it’s not like it was my birthday or anything, which I might add was also largely forgotten this year.

          I will say I don’t think my siblings had to tell me the reason they forgot to wish me Happy Middle Child’s Day was because they were out to dinner. Together. With the rest of the family. I don't think that was necessary. They could’ve just lied, right? But I don’t harbor any grudges. It’s water under the bridge. Even though the exact same thing happened last year. I don't care one bit.

          And why should I? Just because I blog and Tweet about Middle Child’s Day ALL YEAR LONG, talk about it on radio, TV, and to anyone who will listen, created Middle Child's Day greeting cards, formed the International Middle Child Union, tried to organize a Middle Child's Day parade, and have made it my mission to single-handedly raise awareness of Middle Child’s Day??? Why would I be disappointed? It doesn't bother me at all. Not even a little. I am SO over it. All is forgiven. 

          But I’m still working on the forgetting.

Middle Child's Day Parade Global Highlights

          Another Middle Child's Day is here, and as the founder of the International Middle Child Union, I’m excited to share with you the results of our latest effort to raise awareness of our overlooked namesake day. To be honest, getting the word out about a holiday nobody pays attention to is an uphill battle, but that didn't stop the world’s largest (okay, we're the world's only) Middle Child advocacy group from reaching out to Middle Children everywhere, seeking their participation in a global "virtual" parade in honor of our special day.

          As you can see in this highlight video from Middle Child's Day parades all around the world, I'd say the excitement and enthusiasm for Middle Child's Day speaks for itself.

A Global Virtual Parade for Middle Child's Day!

     In a previous post, I announced the International Middle Child Union was scrapping our yearly plans to find a sponsor for a Middle Child’s Day parade. Even though I’m confident there would’ve been low turnout, I’m pretty sure it was still the responsible thing to do. But while making this announcement on an Indianapolis radio show, a thought occurred to me. We’ve gotten pretty good at finding new ways of doing old things lately. Musicians are streaming concerts from their homes. We’re having Zoom family get-togethers. Town council meetings are being held remotely. Does a virtual parade sound like such a far-fetched idea? Clearly it’s not. Fremont, CA just had a 4th of July “Porch Parade.” Lexington, MA had a virtual Patriots Day parade. And San Antonio, TX had a virtual Riverwalk Parade. So in true Middle Child fashion I say, “If they can have one, why can’t we? It’s only fair!”

     That’s why I’m thrilled to announce today the I.M.C.U. is planning a global “Middle Child's Day Virtual Parade” on August 12. As the founder of the world’s largest (and only) Middle Child advocacy group, I am reaching out to Middle Children all across the country -- and all around the world -- seeking their participation. We welcome Middle Children of all ages, but the global “Middle Child’s Day Virtual Parade” is open to virtually everyone. If you know a Middle Child, are related to a Middle Child, or even ever felt like a Middle Child, we’d be more than happy for you to join us.
     After months of self-isolating and quarantining, a virtual parade is just what the doctor ordered. Everyone could certainly use a good laugh, and the I.M.C.U. is more than happy to oblige. Even if that means you’re just laughing at us. We’ll take the attention any way we can get it. Beggars can’t be choosers.   
     All you have to do to join the parade is submit a short clip or photograph of your parade entry. It could be something as simple as a banner, sign or tee-shirt, or maybe a miniature shoe box parade float or a one-man Middle Child marching band. Let your imagination run wild. Entries will be edited into a parade video viewable on August 12 at the Smack Dab Channel on YouTube. The most creative entry from each city will have a chance to be named “Virtual Grand Marshal.” Full entry information is listed below.
          This is clearly no time to be going to a parade, so why not have the parade come to you!? Submit your entry, and help make our “Middle Child’s Day Virtual Parade” a reality.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:

1. Design and decorate a Middle Child themed banner, poster, flag, or float. (Here’s a link to learn about how to make your own miniature shoe box float.) Wear a Middle Child themed tee shirt, dress up as a famous real-life or TV Middle Child, or create anything you might march in a real parade with.
2. Video or photograph your entry in a horizontal (landscape) format.
3. For photos: save as JPG. For videos: clip should be 15 seconds in length. Any motion should be a “pan,” moving the camera from right to left as you look through the lens.
4. Go to the Smack Dab Facebook page and attach your video or photo to a message, or send your entry as an e-mail attachment to midkidmusings@gmail.com
5. SEND YOUR ENTRY NO LATER THAN AUGUST 10. Include your name, city, state, country, and e-mail contact.

Will the Pandemic Mean No Middle Child's Day?

     As founder of the International Middle Child Union, I've been giving serious consideration to canceling Middle Child’s Day on August 12 due to the Coronavirus pandemic. But after much soul searching and lengthy discussions with myself, I’m having a change of heart. To the relief of practically no one, I am pleased to announce that Middle Child’s Day will go on as planned. I mean, if we called it off, it probably would be no different than any other year. Nobody would even notice!
     Clearly, there’s no point in calling off a holiday hardly anyone even knows exists in the first place. But beyond that, Middle Children could use the attention now more than ever. On the best of days in the best of times, we feel left out and alone. So can you imagine how much worse our Middle Child Syndrome is when we’ve been isolated for months? Canceling Middle Child’s Day would be like rubbing salt in an already open, painful, unattended wound.

     The I.M.C.U. is, however, halting our efforts to find a sponsor this year for a Middle Child’s Day Parade. At first, I thought we could have a CDC-compliant parade. It would hardly be considered a large gathering. There would only be like four people in it, so social distancing would be a piece of cake. And crowd control certainly wouldn’t be a problem. But maybe next year. For now, the I.M.C.U. will be shifting our focus to encouraging Middle Children to celebrate our special day safely. It should be easy, since they’ll probably be celebrating alone.

No Thanks!

     It’s that time of year again. Halloween is a mere memory, the Christmas creep has begun, and the “Thanksgiving is the Middle Child of Holidays” tweets and articles are popping up like Black Friday Preview sales. But I beg to differ. Thanksgiving is so not the Middle Child of holidays! I wrote about this way back in 2013, but it obviously bears repeating.
     Far from overlooked and forgotten, Thanksgiving gets more than it’s fair share of attention. And there’s certainly no need to make up a Middle Child of holidays when there already is one. It’s called Middle Child’s Day, for God's sake! On August 12th!! And unlike Thanksgiving, when there are parades all across the country, we don’t even get a single parade -- even though we’re really trying. So enough with the Thanksgiving pity party. I don’t want to hear any more Thanksgiving Middle Child nonsense.
     Anyway, it’s not like this is the first time people have used our beleaguered birth order as fodder for metaphorical mockery. I also wrote about this in a previous post (big surprise), and since then the list has grown even longer.
     People are giving Middle Children status to everything, from wine:

     to automobiles:

     to demographics:

     to computer software:

 

     and even reading material:

 

     Although that one could be a compliment I suppose, depending on what book you’re talking about.
     I guess the good news here is that Middle Children are getting more attention than we think. Just not the kind we want.

The Middle Child's Day Parade That Almost Was

     Pittsburgh was a pipe dream... I should’ve known nothing would come of it when a writer from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette contacted me about my effort to find a host city for a Middle Child’s Day parade. “I figure we could have the parade on Centre Avenue, which goes through the Middle Hill,” wrote columnist Brian O’Neill. Middle Hill? Centre Avenue? It sounded too good to be true -- which of course it was. So I moved on. Like water under one of the 446 bridges over the Allegheny, Monongahela, and Ohio rivers. I refuse to dwell on it. I’ll keep my expectations in check.
     And then the phone rings...

     “Hey, it’s Jen & Frank from WXLO Worcester/Boston,” says the made for morning radio baritone on the other end of the line. “We want to talk to you about a possible host city for your parade.” Surrrre you do. I’m no sucker! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice -- I should probably call them back. So I do.

CLICK TO LISTEN

     Wow, they really sound like they mean it. This is huge! I mean, this station is in a Nielsen Top 10 rated radio market. They’ve got musical intros and a logo and everything. Alright, just calm down. This is probably all some kind of Morning Show prank. They didn’t really call the Mayor of the second biggest city in New England, right?
     Holy crap, they did!

CLICK TO LISTEN

 

     And, what what -- the Mayor is a Middle Child? Are you friggin’ kidding me!? I don’t want to get my hopes up, but it’s getting real hard not to. And then I get this text:

      Wait, are they checking my availability? Is this really happening? Should I be Googling directions to Worcester? And do they actually think I have someplace better to be on Middle Child’s Day?? Okay, okay -- I gotta play it cool. Make them think there might be other contenders. Ya know, like they’re not the only game in town. Play a little hard to get. So I text them back:

     And then... crickets. Radio silence. The Worcester Middle Child’s Day Parade is over before it even started.

     I don’t blame Jen & Frank. They gave it their best shot, but what more could I expect from two non-Middles? (Actually, Frank is a Middle Child, and didn’t even know it. He told me he was a first born, but I later found out he has an older sister and younger siblings! “I’m the first born male,” he explained. Just another classic case of M.C.D.D. -- Middle Child Denial Disorder.) I also don’t blame the Mayor, although it remains to be seen how his Middle Child base will react to this news.
     It was probably Russian meddling. Putin loves messing with Mid Kids. Or maybe it was all the fake news on social media.
     Whatever.
     We got close.
     Real close.
     Still, like too many Middle Children have experienced too many times before -- there was no cigar.
     But it was definitely progress. A step in the right direction. And after all, isn’t that all a parade really is -- a series of steps in the right direction? With a few balloons thrown in. And a crowd.
     So I prefer to think our parade has been -- postponed. Yeah, postponed. Sure, probably indefinitely. But it’s definitely not over.

IN CELEBRATION OF MIDDLE CHILD'S DAY,

CHECK OUT THESE NEW POSTS:

“Being a Middle Child is No Game”

“2019 Middle Child's Day Greeting Cards”

A Middle Child's Day Parade in Pittsburgh?

 

     In today’s Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, fellow MidKid/Columnist Brian O’Neill offers an interesting reason for why Pittsburgh would be an ideal spot for the Middle Child’s Day parade. Interesting, but not terribly convincing!

Check it out HERE.

Middle Child's Day Parade Seeks Grand Marshal

     The Holiday Season is here -- Middle Child’s Day is August 12! Like I’ve always said, Middle Child’s Day is like Christmas in August. Just without any of the presents. Or celebrating. And certainly none of the attention. In any case, preparations for our special day are in full swing.
     As founder of the International Middle Child Union, I am proud to announce we are now accepting applications for a chance to be Grand Marshal of the 2019 Middle Child’s Day Parade. Imagine how great it would feel to have huge crowds of adoring onlookers giving you their undivided attention. It’s every forgotten Middle Child’s dream come true!
     Unfortunately, applicants will definitely have to imagine the feeling because -- big surprise -- there is no Middle Child’s Day parade. But look on the bright side. Unlike the Thanksgiving Day or the Rose Bowl Parade, being the Grand Marshal of the Middle Child’s Day Parade will take very little of your time. Still, we need to be prepared for the day Middle Child’s Day finally gets the recognition we’ve long been seeking.

     When we do get our parade, we’ll have to move fast -- before someone changes their mind. We’ll need a Grand Marshal already in place to take their place atop our brand new I.M.C.U. float. (FULL DISCLOSURE: said float also doesn’t exist yet. But when it does, it will be brand new. Unless, of course, it’s a hand-me-down. Which there’s a very good chance it will be.)

     Interested applicants are encouraged to e-mail the I.M.C.U. with a brief explanation of why they should be Grand Marshal. Or if you know a qualified Middle Child, tell us why they deserve consideration. Reach us at:

midkidgrandmarshal@gmail.com

     Maybe nothing else we do in our lives will get us the attention we feel we’re lacking, but being the Grand Marshal of a parade? Surely that would change everything. But probably not.

COMING SOON: THE 2019 MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY PLAYLIST