Hauntingly Horrible Middle Children

          In the spirit of Halloween, it only seems fitting that I strike a decidedly darker tone with this post. It wouldn’t be the first time. In year’s past, I’ve posted about two of Hollywood’s scariest Middle Children: Leatherface, the only character to appear in all nine “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” movies, and Michael Myers, star of the “Halloween” movie franchise. The mere mention of those Mid Kid’s names can send chills down the spine, but frightening as they are, they’re not actual hauntingly horrible human Middle Children. They just play ones on the big screen.

          But not to worry. I didn’t have to search very far or wide to find some horrifyingly despicable real life Middle Children. Throughout history, we’ve had more than our fair share. In fact, some of the most frighteningly evil people of all time were Middle Children. Just check out The Top Tens list of “The Top 10 Most Evil People of All Time.” Six out of ten on the list were living, breathing, real-life Middle Children! Well that’s just swell. As if trying to improve our reputation wasn’t already hard enough. And just listen to the names of the Middle Children on that list. It’s like the Heinous Hall of Fame. A real Who’s Who of horror.

The Wrath of Khan:
one scary Middle Child.

 

          In no particular order, the list includes genocidal Deutch bags Adolph Hitler and Heinrich Himmler, mass murdering terrorist Osama bin Laden, and brutal dictator Kim Jon-il. There’s also some real OG villains on the list, like Genghis Khan -- one of the most brutal and murderous leaders the world has ever known, responsible for the deaths of as many as 40 million people. After one particularly gruesome massacre, the piles of his victim’s bones were mistaken for mountains. He once disposed of an enemy leader by having molten silver poured into his eyes and ears. That’s one scary, pissed off Middle Child.

          Of course, you don’t become such a deeply feared and twisted figure overnight. His murderous ways can be traced back to his youth, when Genghis killed his half-brother for not sharing his food with him. Even from the grave, the Great Khan remained a deadly force. To keep his burial place a secret, he left instructions that everyone involved in burying him was to be killed.

Vlad the Impaler:
he staked his reputation on brutality.

          And let’s not forget Vlad the Impaler, another maniacal Mid Kid who makes the... cut. Over the course of his lifetime, it’s estimated he was responsible for the deaths of more than 80,000 people – mostly by, well… do I really have to say? His blood thirsty ways are said to be the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula. But if these chart-toppers aren’t enough to make you lose some sleep tonight, there’s also serial killing Middle Children like John Wayne Gacy, and “The Green River Killer,” Gary Leon Ridgway.

          Of course, this all flies in the face of what the experts say is our inclination to be diplomatic, peacekeeping types, eager to avoid conflict. 

          But you never know. Bwahhhhhhhhh! 

 

CHECK OUT THESE OTHER HALLOWEEN POSTS: 

“The Middle Child Who Made Pumpkin History”

 “Halloween's Greatest Middle Child”

“Top 10 Middle Child Halloween Costumes”

 

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The Making of a Monstrous Middle Child

A Special Halloween Report

"You don't have to look very hard to find proof that Middle Children do some scary things."

     Any parent of a Middle Child will tell you, we can be real terrors. Little monsters. There’s even been research that seems to back that up.  There’s no doubt our behavior can be frightening, and you don't have to look very hard to find proof that Middle Children do some scary things. So in celebration of Halloween, I thought it would be fitting to feature a real-life Middle Child monster -- well, a real-life movie Middle Child monster. A creature so horrifying, just the mere mention of his name sends chills down the spine: Michael Myers.

NOT a Middle Child.

     No, not that Mike Myers. The other one, with the creepy mask. The primary antagonist, serial killer, and all-around psychopathic dude in the Halloween film series.
     Now, I’m no fan of slasher flicks. In fact, I’ve never actually seen any of the Halloween movies -- with my eyes open. Just writing about this is giving me the willies. And if I’m being totally honest, the reason I haven’t posted in a few weeks is because it took me so much longer than usual to write this post as I was looking over my shoulder the entire time! But I’ll be brave and press on.

Serious Middle Child issues.

     On Halloween night in 1963, six year old Michael Audrey Myers watched as his older sister, Judith, was making out with her boyfriend prior to going up to her room to have sex. This apparently bothered Michael, so after the boyfriend left he crept upstairs and repeatedly stabbed Judith to death. In hindsight, maybe his parents should’ve given him a better middle name than Audrey. Anyway, young Michael was sent to an asylum where he was to be held until his 21st birthday, when he would be tried as an adult. But that would never happen. Fifteen years later, on October 30, 1978 -- the day before he was to be transferred to court for his hearing -- Michael escaped. Before leaving, he carved the word “sister” on his door -- a special message for his younger sibling, Cynthia, who was adopted by the Strode family and renamed Laurie after both of her parents were killed in a car accident in 1965.

Where Jamie Lee Curtis earned her scream creds.

     And so began a killing spree that has fueled a film franchise ranked first in U.S. box office, when adjusting for inflation, compared to other horror film series. Truly killer box office. Since his first appearance in the original Halloween in 1978, the murderous Middle Child has killed a total of 121 people in the 10 versions of the movie he appears in, as catalogued by ScreenRant.
     While many Middle Children would kill for the kind of attention Michael has received, Michael actually has. Empire Magazine named him “one of the most iconic killer characters in cinema history,” TimeOut Magazine lists him as one of “The 50 Best Movie Villains of All Time,” and Paste Magazine puts three different installments of the Halloween series on their list of “50 Best Slasher Movies of All Time,” with the original version topping their list. Yet he doesn’t make the cut, pun intended, on AFI’s “100 Years...100 Heroes & Villians” or USA Today’s “The 50 Most Popular Movie Villains of All Time.” Typical Middle Child treatment.
     Of course, Michael Myers is no typical Middle Child, and he's surely not one you'd ever want to piss off. I really hope I haven't already.

If you want to find out more about all things Michael Myers, check out this great article by Shea Serrano at The Ringer. (I know he’s just a movie maniac, but just in case, there are even some tips on how you might possibly survive an encounter with Michael.)