Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Keeping Score

          It’s almost my birthday, which means I’ll soon be partaking in a time-honored Middle Child tradition: the annual keeping track of who actually remembered it was your birthday!
          That’s right, when it comes to who did and didn’t extend birthday greetings, we are definitely taking names. And I ask, does it really come as any surprise to you that this is something a Middle Child would do?
          Well, it shouldn’t.
          Getting attention is what we seek, and we’re always keeping track of whether we’re getting enough. So it only makes sense that on the one day of the year where we should be assured of getting some, you bet your ass we’re keeping tabs on who did and didn’t remember.
          Okay, maybe it’s not an actual list. It’s more like a giant mental note, which makes it particularly difficult to remember from year to year. After all, there are so many people who forget the day it can be an overwhelming task. So to make things easier for Middle Children everywhere -- and anybody who might feel forgotten on their special day -- I’ve created an actual scorecard! I’ve even taken the liberty of starting it for you, filling in the names of people you’d most likely expect to wish you a Happy Birthday, which pretty much includes anybody you’ve ever met over the course of your entire life. Even people you never met. I hope this makes your birthday a more enjoyable, if not less forgettable, day. 
          Of course, we didn’t even touch on the topic of whether a mere birthday text or Facebook post is enough attention. Or should it be both? And if so what’s an acceptable level of birthday salutation? Will a simple “Happy Birthday” suffice? Maybe you’re deserving of an actual birthday call, or even better -- the gold standard of birthday attention. A card! (I wouldn't hold your breath.)
          So many ways to feel slighted.
          Can’t wait ‘til next year! 


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Middle Children need to be heard!