Not-So-Fun Times

     It was near the end of an excruciatingly long car ride and I was starting to fade. I asked my wife if she had anything sweet to help revive me, and could hear the familiar sound of a bag of M&M’s being torn open. Not plain M&M’s, but Peanut M&M’s -- my absolute favorite. They always do the trick.
     She put a few in my hand once, then once again. But when I held out my hand a third time, I was told, “That’s it.” That's it? Surely, she was kidding. That was like seven or eight pieces. “Whaddaya mean, that’s it?” I said.
     “It was a Fun Size bag,” she replied.
     Fun Size? FUN SIZE!? That was no fun at all! There are about 22 Peanut M&M’s in a “normal” size bag. If you’re gonna call yourself a Fun Size bag, you better bring your A game. I’m thinking 40 or 50 Peanut M&M’s. Now that would be fun. But what they call a Fun Size bag has a measly 7-9 Peanut M&M’s in it. That’s not fun. That’s sad. They should call it a Sad Bag.
     I was an advertising creative for decades and had to come up with countless ideas for product names and descriptors. Never in my wildest dreams would I come up with something this twisted. Although I once did suggest naming a line of adult diapers “Poop Deck,” but that’s another story for another post.
     Maybe my career experience has made me hyper-sensitive to misleading labels. Or maybe it’s my Middle Child perspective. You know, too many times being told the smaller present you got that you really didn’t want is “just as good” as the bigger present your sister got that was exactly what she wanted. Or that those hand-me-downs are actually “new” because it’s the first time you're wearing them. No, it is not and no they are not. And there is nothing “fun” about a bag of Peanut M&M’s that’s 1/3 the size of a normal bag of Peanut M&M’s!
     If this was a tiny bottle of shampoo or a miniature can of shaving cream it would be called a Travel Size. But who would want a smaller bag of M&M’s when they travel? Clearly, not me. Sample Size or Trial Size would be more apt. Actually, Teaser Size would be even better. Or Where’s The Rest of the Friggin’ Bag Size.
     Look, Fun Size bags have their place I suppose. I guess they’re okay to hand out on Halloween when kids are getting tons of other candy anyway. What difference would it make then? But any other day of the year?? It’s an outrage! An outrage, I tell you!! I say it should be illegal for them to sell Fun Size bags any other time of the year. They should just sell them around Halloween and call them Trick-or-Treat size. Even though I would still argue it’s mostly trick.