Is the MIDDLE ever a good thing?

The WORST finger!

     I had mentioned in a previous post that being called a Middle Child has become an insult. When someone says, “You’re acting like a Middle Child” it’s usually not because they think your behavior is exemplary. “You’re acting like a child” means one thing, but stick MIDDLE in front and it’s something even worse. But did you ever take a moment to consider ALL of the other bad things associated with the word MIDDLE? Of course you didn’t. That’s why I’m here! Allow me…
     We learn at a young age how much the MIDDLE sucks. Little kids play “Monkey in the MIDDLE,” not “Lucky Person in the MIDDLE.” And who wants to be called “MIDDLE of the road?” It’s certainly not the greatest thing to be. It’s also the place where you find dead squirrels and other road kill.

The WORST place to be!

     Does anything good ever happen in the MIDDLE of the night? It’s usually something awful. No one gets excited when the phone rings at 3 A.M. -- or in the MIDDLE of having sex, for that matter.
     Lots of people have a MIDDLE name, but do they ever use it? You can know someone their entire life and never know they even have a MIDDLE name, let alone what it is. (Mine is Steven, just for the record.) A name is important, but a MIDDLE name is just an afterthought.
     What about the MIDDLE finger? Everyone knows it’s the worst finger. In fact, it’s so infamous you can even drop the MIDDLE and still know which finger people are referring to.

The WORST seat!

     In the 70’s, there was a popular song called “Stuck in the MIDDLE With You.” It wasn’t called “Voluntarily in the MIDDLE With You” or “It’s Really Fun Being in the MIDDLE With You.” That’s because the MIDDLE is the place nobody wants to be! You want an aisle or a window, not a MIDDLE seat. Does anyone ever “shot” the MIDDLE seat in the car? I don’t think so. When someone says they’re “in the MIDDLE of nowhere,” do they ever sound happy about being there? Oh, and they’re usually stuck there, too!
     Runners don’t strive to finish in the MIDDLE of the pack, business people don’t dream of reaching MIDDLE Management and being MIDDLE Income. No one looks forward to the day they become MIDDLE aged. And who are people always trying to eliminate? That’s right -- the MIDDLE man!
     Finally, it’s common practice to conclude a list like this by saying “Last, but not least,” which I WILL NOT do. It only proves that even being last can be better than being in the MIDDLE.