Thursday, September 14, 2023

Middle Child Tears Achilles, Gets SO MUCH Attention.

          Monday night was a bad night for Middle Child Aaron Rodgers. Very bad. But his illustrious 19 year NFL career has been mostly very good: a 4-time league MVP (two of them back to back), 10 Pro Bowls, Super Bowl MVP, almost 60,000 yards passing, 475 touchdowns, plus he set a slew of records
          Deservedly, he’s been awarded for his on the field accomplishments with the kind of attention mere mortal Middle Children would die for. But he’s also done a great job drawing attention to himself off the field. From breakups with celebrity girlfriends and alternative COVID-19 treatments to darkness retreats and sipping hallucinogenic psychoactive tea,  he’s certainly no stranger to the limelight. Still, there’s one kind of attention even the most desperate Middle Child tries to avoid: medical attention.
          Well, most of the time.
          I mean, what self-respecting Middle Child hasn’t thought about inflicting some minor bodily harm just to get a little attention? Or at least faking it. You know, like wearing a finger splint when you were a kid for no particular reason. Taping your fingers together. How about a superfluous sling? Or maybe donning an unnecessary ace bandage for a fake ankle sprain. If you were really convincing, that might even get you some crutches! Ooooh. Crutches always get attention.  
          When I suffered my very own honest-to-goodness serious football injury when I was younger (a severely dislocated pinky), it required surgery and a hospital stay! SO MUCH ATTENTION!!
          Of course, it was nothing compared to what Aaron Rodgers is going through.
          But please don’t tell anyone. 
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Middle Children need to be heard!