BREAKING NEWS: DONALD TRUMP’S MIDDLE CHILD CREDENTIALS REVOKED!

      In a matter of days, Donald J. Trump will be losing the title of Commander in Chief, but effective immediately he is being stripped of another title. In an unprecedented move, the International Middle Child Union has banned Mr. Trump from being referred to as a Middle Child. “When a group that has to scratch and claw to get every member it can wants nothing to do with you, you know you’ve hit rock bottom,” says I.M.C.U. founder Bruce Hopman.

     Citing years of negative-attention seeking, brutish and bullying behavior, temper tantrums, and a way too long list of other unacceptable, inappropriate antics, the I.M.C.U is taking action. Much like social media giants Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and others, and following in the footsteps of Lindsey Graham, Betsy DeVos, Mick Mulvaney, Mitch McConnell and other paragons of political ethics, the I.M.C.U. echoes the words of #LapdogLindsey-- “They’re out!” 

     The recent storming of the Capitol by a riotous Trump-incited mob was the straw that broke the Middle Child’s

The former Middle Child with some of his former friends.

back. According to Hopman,“Middle Children have enough problems without having to deal with this lunatic.” 

     While Hopman acknowledges being called a Middle Child is hardly something anyone aspires to, he still believes a lifetime ban sends an important message: it may not be often, but sometimes even Middle Children know when enough is enough.

     When asked how such a ban would be enforced, Hopman is not concerned. “There’s certainly no shortage of names you can call him. From now on, Middle Child won’t be one of them,” he concludes.