Thursday, December 10, 2020

With Facebook Friends Like That...

          I don’t spend all my time thinking about the countless ways growing up a Middle Child has impacted my life. An inordinate amount of time? Sure, but there are huge swaths of time when I’m actually not thinking about it at all. Well, that’s not totally true. During those times I might occasionally think, “Gosh, this is what it must feel like not being a Middle Child.” But other than that, there are stretches of time when I suffer little to no symptoms of Middle Child Syndrome. But then all of the sudden, out of nowhere, something will jump out and completely crush my Middle Child fantasy. You never know where it’s going to come from, but you always have to be ready -- because it will come from someplace. Case in point... 
          I was hanging out with my Facebook friends the other day, when I scrolled upon one of those riddles that pop up on my feed every now and then. You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re like those horrible word problems I used to dread in math class. I usually don’t partake in these games, but when a former coworker posted one recently, I had a moment of weakness. Maybe it was because of the pandemic and spending so much time at home, running out of things to do. Whatever the reason, I set aside my fear of being humiliated in front of hundreds of my closest virtual friends. I figured, “What’s the worst that could happen?” -- besides being humiliated in front of hundreds of my closest virtual friends. So I decided to play... 
            Perhaps I was overthinking a bit, but before answering, I needed some clarification. After all, families come in all shapes and sizes these days. I mean, I wanted to get this right, and I thought the question was a little vague. So I asked... 
           It seemed like a fair enough question. After all, my reputation was at stake. I wanted, neigh, I needed to get this right. In hindsight, maybe I was setting myself up for what happened next... 
          Not cool, my “friend!” I knew I shouldn’t have gotten sucked into your silly game. I was trying to be nice, but it’s like I always say: no good deed goes unpunished! And now you have left me no choice. There’s only one thing I have to say:
          That’s right, NINE! 
          The answer is NINE!! (Mr. & Mrs. Mustard, the six daughters, and they each have a brother. One brother for the six of them. 2 + 6 + 1 = 9!!) 
          Sorry, Maddy -- payback’s a bitch. 
This whole disturbing episode has inspired me to create a few riddles of my own, 
just for Middle Children. 
If Teresa's daughter is my daughter's mother, what am I to Teresa? 
Nothing -- Teresa doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you! 
Joey's mother has three children. The oldest was named Alana. The youngest was named Alaina. What is the Middle Child’s name? 
Ughhh -- nobody EVER remembers! 
If I had 3 eggs and a thief gave me 4 and my rooster laid 5 more, how many eggs do I have?
Less than my siblings -- no fair! 
A man was murdered in his office. The suspects are Gerry, Julie, Jason, Nick, and Sophie. The numbers 6, 4, 9, 10, 11 are written on the calendar with blood. Who is the killer? 
Which one is a Middle Child? Let’s blame them! 
When the day after tomorrow is yesterday, today will be as far from Wednesday as today was from Wednesday when the day before yesterday was tomorrow. What was yesterday? 
My birthday, but everyone forgot -- again! 
 You are asleep and there is a sudden knock on the door. Behind the door are your parents, who came to have breakfast. In your fridge: bread, milk, juice, and a jar of jam. What will you open first?
Don’t bother -- they’re actually on their way to have breakfast with your brother and sister. They just stopped at your house to use the bathroom.

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Middle Children need to be heard!