Sunday, February 18, 2018

Is Sarah Jessica Parker a Middle Child, Without Her Even Knowing It?

          As the founder and Union Boss of the International Middle Child Union, I’m in touch with high-profile, Middle Child celebrities all the time. And when I say “in touch with,” I mean I e-mail them and usually never hear anything back. But a recent “correspondence” was particularly interesting. When I contacted Sarah Jessica Parker’s publicist to gauge interest in a Middle Child project I’m working on, I was told the following:
          Now hold on one darn second! Do you really think I would risk my reputation as the world’s leading Middle Child advocate by contacting someone if I wasn’t sure they were a Middle Child? Well, maybe. But not in this instance. You see, there's a common misconception about Middle Children, and as the head of the IMCU, it’s my job -- neigh, my duty -- to set the record straight.
          Most people think that to be a Middle Child, you have to be the one smack dab in the middle of an odd number of siblings. Naturally, this leads to another fallacy: that there can only be one Middle Child per family.
“I'm a what!?!
          But that's not at all the case.
          According to birth order experts, if you're not the first born or the last born, you're in the middle. This comes as a great shock to many people who may not have realized they are actually a -- gulp -- MIDDLE CHILD!! While it is true that Sarah Jessica is the youngest child from her mother’s first marriage, her mother remarried when Sarah was 3½ years old and had four more children with Sarah’s step-dad. In total, SJP has seven siblings: three older and four younger. She wasn't the first of eight, or the last -- so she's a Middle Child -- like it or not.
          I told her publicist maybe she should break it to Sarah gently. Believe me, I know that's not anything anyone wants to hear. I also explained that fortunately for Sarah, she's not alone. Five of her siblings are also Middles. This brings me to another important distinction. Specifically, you can be “A” Middle Child without being “The” Middle Child. And trust me, there’s a BIG difference.
Sarah Jessica Parker (back row 2nd from right:
one of six Middle Children

          I went into great detail about this in a previous post (See “Sandwiched Siblings: a Study in Middleocrity), but here’s the gist. When you’re the middle of three, you’re outnumbered. It’s two against one. When there are four siblings, it’s a toss-up. There are as many middles as non-middles.
Anything over four and the Middles are the majority. So clearly, there are very different dynamics depending on what kind of Middle Child you are, and probably varying degrees of Middle Child Syndrome. I’ve even met some Middle Children who actually report having NO Middle Child Syndrome at all. But I think they’re just in denial.
          In any case, being “The” Middle Child is even worse than being “A” Middle Child. Trust me. So in the hopes of breaking down birth order barriers, I call on Sarah Jessica Parker to stand with the Middle Children of the world. Embrace your Middle Child-ness. Tell the world you are one of us. Or at the very least, tell your publicist.

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Middle Children need to be heard!