THE OFFICIAL BLOG OF THE INTERNATIONAL MIDDLE CHILD UNION
Thursday, June 6, 2013
The Birth Denouncement
I have an old trunk that I keep in my study. It’s the trunk I used every summer when I went to sleep away camp. Just looking at the outside brings back all kinds of memories. Inside, it’s filled with all sorts of things from my childhood. Old photos. Ticket stubs to concerts. MAD magazines. I don’t throw much away, so pretty much anything related to my youth can be found inside that trunk. I thought I had recalled every memory that old trunk held, but one day I came across the most incredible thing. I found the reason why I am the way I am today. There it was, next to my hospital birth wristband and a plastic bag with a clipping of hair from my first haircut. It was not a written report from the elementary school psychologist. It was not a vile of my DNA. I found my birth announcement:
Second billing, on my own birth announcement!?! REALLY!?! Of course, to me it looked more like this:
If my parents were trying to give me a resounding welcome into the world, they sure had a strange way of showing it. My fate was sealed before I even left the hospital. It might as well have said:
The deck was already clearly stacked against me. How was I not going to grow up with a chip on my shoulder? At least they didn’t say what they were really thinking:
Apparently, my Middle Child issues took root long before I even became a Middle Child.