Thursday, March 31, 2022

Middle Child Smacks First Born, and Gets Rewarded!

          In a world where Middle Children don’t get away with anything and usually get blamed for everything, history was made at the 94th Academy Awards.  Maybe you haven’t heard yet, but actor Will Smith (2nd of 4 children) slapped comedian Chris Rock (oldest of 7 children) across the face during the live Oscars telecast -- and actually didn’t get in any trouble! WTF!? I mean, that never happens to a Middle Child. In fact, minutes after smacking Rock, Smith not only received an award, he got a standing ovation! Getting showered with attention after exhibiting some truly outrageous behavior? It’s a Middle Child dream come true!
          Boy, those big shot Hollywood Mid Kids must have it pretty good. According to recent reports, Smith wasn’t even actually asked to leave the theater after assaulting Rock. It was more like a suggestion. So now the Academy is conducting a formal review as they “consider disciplinary actions.” Jeeesh! When I kicked my older brother in the balls for humiliating me in front of friends during a game of basketball, I got grounded for a week. Right on the spot!
           Look, maybe cracking a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s alopecia (an autoimmune disease that attacks hair follicles causing patchy bald spots) could be considered… insensitive. Sure, it was hardly a knee slapper. But it certainly wasn’t a face slapper.
          It just goes to show, you never know what’s gonna make a Middle Child snap. I’ve spent years trying to clean up our image, and no sooner than you can say, “Keep my wife’s name out your f**king mouth,” all of my hard work goes down the drain -- with like, the whole world watching! With the flip of a wrist, the “Fresh Prince” instantly becomes an inductee into the “Middle Child Hall of Shame.”
          I swear, sometimes we’re our own worst enemy. 
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Middle Children need to be heard!