Tuesday, November 10, 2020

FIRST BORN WINS! Middle Child Cries, “No Fair!”

          In what may go down as the most epic Middle Child meltdown in U.S. political history, future former President Donald J. Trump went full tilt MidKid upon learning Joe Biden was projected to become the 46th President of the United States. As promised, and true to form, he went down kicking and screaming, pulling out all the Middle Child stops. 
          Since election night, our Middle Child-in-Chief has impugned the entire election process with repeated claims of electile dysfunction, accusing his opponent and state officials of being part of a “corrupt Democrat machine” that, in no particular order, is guilty of “tremendous corruption,” “telling lie after lie after lie,” committing fraud, not to mention stealing, robbing, and rigging the election. But the people want details. They demand evidence! You want proof!? I’ll give you proof. The President says there is “a lot of shenanigans” and that “people are doing a lot of bad things.” What more do you need to know? But it gets even better.
So Much Whining
          The whole election wasn’t rigged. Just his part. All those Republicans who won or held seats? Those were all legit. That is one whacky (and poorly executed) conspiracy. While Biden is already millions of votes ahead and approaching what Trump called an “electoral college landslide” when he won the same number in 2016 (even though it wasn’t -- his margin of victory ranks 46th out of 58  U.S. Presidential elections), our pouting POTUS is still insisting he won.          
          Hey, look -- I get it. We’re Middle Children. We’re known for whining and moaning about how we’re always getting screwed. That’s our thing. No Middle Child likes someone else taking attention away from them. And we certainly don’t enjoy being embarrassed by a firstborn. I once got so upset when my older brother humiliated me in front of my friends during a pick-up basketball game, I kicked him as hard as I could in his nuts. Not my proudest moment, even though it was probably my best
shot of the game -- but that’s not the point. I was in my driveway, in front of like five other kids. The whole world wasn’t watching! And at least I apologized afterwards. I didn’t double down with a follow-up knee to the nads. But the West Wing whiner shows no signs of letting up. It’s been days since Biden was projected to win, and there’s no concession in sight. He’s even talking about spreading more conspiracy theories (and coronavirus) at rallies promoting his lost cause. At least my b-ball behavior didn’t put anyone’s life at risk, even though I’m sure my brother would beg to differ.
          I know nobody likes losing, but I’ve often wondered if given our history of believing we always get the short end of the stick, maybe Middle Children hate it even a little more. Maybe we’re sorer losers? The behavior of the current Oval Office occupant would suggest that’s the case. I don’t have any research to back this up, but you know I’ll be looking into it. In the meantime, I think we can all agree his behavior goes way beyond childish. It’s absolutely Middle Childish. 
POST-ELECTION POSTSCRIPT: I’ve written previous posts about my obsession with receiving mail and the important role the U.S. Postal Service has played in my Middle Child development. Many famous MidKids have earned their place on a U.S. postage stamp, and I've even proposed a stamp be issued acknowledging Middle Child's Day -- maybe for second class mail. In keeping with my philatelic predilection, I’m proposing the USPS issues these commemorative stamps to honor the special role mail-in ballots played in the 2020 election. 


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Middle Children need to be heard!