Monday, October 19, 2020

Middle Child Supreme Court Injustice

An Apolitical Analysis 
          As Senate leadership rapidly moves forward to fill the seat vacated by the loss of judicial icon Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the country finds itself at a turning point. The nomination and confirmation of a new Supreme Court justice will impact the composition of the court for decades to come, and it’s always a brutal battle royale between left and right. A political brouhaha. But I see it as an often overlooked opportunity to restore some birth order balance to the hallowed chambers. Allow me to make my case.
          Of the eight sitting justices, five are firstborns: Stephen Breyer, Samuel Alito, and Sonia Sotomayor are all the oldest of two; Neil Gorsuch is the oldest of three; Brett Kavanaugh is an only child, which makes him a firstborn by default. It also kind of makes him a last born, but he was a firstborn first. Only three justices are Middle Children: Chief Justice John Roberts, Clarence Thomas, and Elena Kagan -- all second of three, Smack Dab Mid Kids. It should be noted there is no true lastborn on the court, which makes perfect sense. After all, the highest court in the land is no place for babies.
          As you can see, it’s hard to deny there is currently a strong firstborn bias on the bench. The nomination of Amy Coney Barrett, the eldest of seven, tilts the justice scales even further, favoring firstborns by a 6-3 margin. Like firstborns need to be favored more? It’s so unbalanced, you don’t even have to be a Middle Child to cry, “No fair!”
          And before anyone accuses me of Coney Barret bashing or taking sides, I’m trying to keep an open mind here. I dunno, maybe one of Judge Coney Barret's five Middle Child siblings would be qualified?
          As for taking sides -- you bet your ass I’m taking sides! Are you telling me there aren’t any Middle Child jurists up for the job? In fact, I say it’s time to pack the court with Middle Children! 
          Objection overruled. Case closed.

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Middle Children need to be heard!