In the early days of this blog, I had posted an analysis of the most often Tweeted Tweets from Middle Child Twitterers. Tweeters? Tweeple? (See "It's a Love (but mostly) Hate Thing.") While “I hate being a Middle Child” is a frequency frontrunner, “Being a Middle Child sucks” was far and away the winner. We had just met back then so I didn’t think I should elaborate -- I was trying to make a good impression -- but now that we know each other so much better, I feel more comfortable sharing all the gory details...
According to many, being a Middle Child does more than just suck. It “sucks big time.” It “sucks the big one.” It also “SUX,” “SUCKS” with all caps, so you know it sucks a lot. It even “S-U-C-K-S!” -- with hyphens and an exclamation point, so you know it really, really sucks. But it gets even better, or is that worse.
Most are very clear about exactly what being a Middle Child sucks. Many complain it "sucks ass," but far more say it “sucks dick,” which I guess if you’re going to have to suck one or the other is probably a good thing. (Did I just say that?) Others are way more specifDick.
“Donkey dick” is often mentioned, though some Middle Children in China might take that as a compliment considering donkey penis is apparently a delicacy in certain parts of that country. “Camel dick” is another phallus frequently mentioned, and at almost 2 feet long that’s saying quite a mouthful. But it pales in comparison to those who say being a Middle Child sucks “whale cock” -- especially when you consider Humpback and Sperm whale weenies can be up to 9 feet long. And that’s a teeny weenie compared to the Blue Whale who is known to have the largest penis in the world at approximately 10 feet long and 1 foot wide (MOBY’S DICK JOKE GOES HERE).
Finally, “big cajones” is also on the list of things Middle Children say being a Middle Child sucks, and while not actually a penis, it’s certainly close enough. And on that note, I will end this post. I can’t imagine it could degrade any further.